DUELMASTERS NEWSLETTER
Date : 10/15/1999 Duedate: 10/28/1999
ARADI ARENA
DM-60 TURN-218
This Weeks Top Honors
THE DUELMASTER IS
MICHELLE RROSTARR
HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
(60-4369) [16-3-1,161]
Chartered Recognition Leader Unchartered Recognition Leader
MICHELLE RROSTARR LITTLE BIG BOX
HOUSE RROSTARR (357) BOXES (408)
(60-4369) [16-3-1,161] (60-4965) [7-1-2,66]
Popularity Leader This Weeks Favorite
CRYBABY BEANHEAD TRAVIS
4000 BLOWS (107) ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
(60-3918) [15-6-0,122] (60-4394) [16-10-0,76]
THE CURRENT TOP TEAM
CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
TEAMS ON THE MOVE TOP CAREER HONORS
Team Name Point Gain Chartered Team
1. 4000 BLOWS (107) 54
2. CRAZY CREEPS (207) 40 FOR THE SHIRE (358)
3. SUPERIOR FORCES II (282) 36 Unchartered Team
4. UNDERDOGS (5) 35
5. SPAM (414) 31 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
The Top Teams
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
1/ 2*CHOC-O-HOLIC (413) 11 4 0 73.3 1/11*CHOC-O-HOLIC (413) 11 4 0
2- 3*THE WHITE THUNDER (416) 10 5 0 66.7 2/ 1 EASTERN HORDE (372) 10 5 2
3/ 4*BOXES (408) 17 11 3 60.7 3/14 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65) 9 6 0
4/ 1*WIDOW MAKERS II (418) 9 6 0 60.0 4/18 WIMPS OF DEATH (66) 9 6 0
5/ 8 FOR THE SHIRE (358) 39 30 0 56.5 5/25 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) 9 6 0
6/ 7 WIMPS OF DEATH (66) 241 188 13 56.2 6/12*WIDOW MAKERS II (418) 9 6 0
7/ 6 DEEP 13 (369) 55 43 4 56.1 7- 5 SAAB STORY (389) 8 2 1
8/ 9 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282) 195 153 0 56.0 8/13 APACHU DEL DINEH (398) 8 5 1
9/11 NATURAL DISASTERS (159) 430 347 15 55.3 9/ 2 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391) 8 7 1
10/12 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 343 277 9 55.3 10/19 4000 BLOWS (107) 8 7 0
11-13 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 132 108 5 55.0 11/22 MAGICK (234) 7 5 0
12/ 5 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391) 28 23 2 54.9 12/16 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282) 7 8 0
13-14 SAAB STORY (389) 24 20 2 54.5 13/ 4 HOUSE RROSTARR (357) 7 8 0
14/10 HOUSE RROSTARR (357) 56 48 1 53.8 14/23 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380) 7 8 0
15/15 METAL MELTDOWN (344) 82 71 6 53.6 15/26*DELIVERY BOYS (405) 7 8 0
16/16 WILD CARDS (148) 468 424 19 52.5 16/ 6 METAL MELTDOWN (344) 6 4 0
17-17 TILT?!? (216) 63 59 2 51.6 17/21*THE MATRIX (401) 6 4 0
18/18 MAGICK (234) 91 86 4 51.4 18/20*BOXES (408) 6 4 0
Career Win-Loss Record W L K % Win-Loss Record Last 3 Turns W L K
19/34*SPAM (414) 5 5 0 50.0 19/32 INGRATE WHITE NORT (348) 6 5 0
20/20 UNDERDOGS (5) 248 252 15 49.6 20/27 UNDERDOGS (5) 6 9 1
21-21 SUNNYDALE (333) 76 80 1 48.7 21/ 9 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360) 6 9 0
22/22 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65) 439 468 59 48.4 22/ 7 NIGHT SPOTS (400) 6 9 0
23/24 EASTERN HORDE (372) 46 50 3 47.9 23/35 CRAZY CREEPS (207) 6 9 0
24/ 0 JESSIE'S SPIES (312) 21 23 0 47.7 24/15 WILD CARDS (148) 6 9 0
25/25 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360) 54 62 2 46.6 25- 8 DEATH STUDS VII (301) 5 5 0
26/26 4000 BLOWS (107) 360 418 20 46.3 26- 3*THE WHITE THUNDER (416) 5 5 0
27/ 0*ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373) 12 14 0 46.2 27/37*SPAM (414) 5 5 0
28/27 APACHU DEL DINEH (398) 26 31 1 45.6 28/38 FA CHING (388) 5 9 0
29/19*THE MOTHERSHIP 3 (411) 5 6 1 45.5 29/10 DEEP 13 (369) 5 10 0
30/23*DELIVERY BOYS (405) 20 25 1 44.4 30/29 FOR THE SHIRE (358) 4 2 0
31/30 INGRATE WHITE NORT (348) 36 46 1 43.9 31/30*FIVE ANGRY MEN (406) 4 6 1
32-29*EASTON VIPERS (407) 7 9 1 43.8 32-17 SUNNYDALE (333) 4 6 0
33/28 ROMPER ROOM (377) 36 48 3 42.9 33/28 ROMPER ROOM (377) 4 10 0
34/32 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380) 32 44 2 42.1 34/34 GAULS II! (280) 4 11 0
35/31 GAULS II! (280) 61 86 6 41.5 35-33 TILT?!? (216) 3 7 0
36/33*THE MATRIX (401) 16 24 0 40.0 36/31*THE MOTHERSHIP 3 (411) 2 3 0
37-36*THE DREADED FEW II (404) 13 21 1 38.2 37-24*THE DREADED FEW II (404) 2 8 0
38/39 FA CHING (388) 26 49 1 34.7 38/ 0 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124) 1 0 0
39/ 0 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124) 20 39 1 33.9 39/ 0*ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373) 1 1 0
40/37 JOKA MASHER! (283) 71 140 4 33.6 40/ 0 JESSIE'S SPIES (312) 1 4 0
41-40 PHOENIX-STAR (291) 23 48 2 32.4 41/43 DAWGS OF WAR (397) 1 7 0
42/38 NIGHT SPOTS (400) 16 34 1 32.0 42/40 JOKA MASHER! (283) 0 4 0
43/41 DAWGS OF WAR (397) 12 37 1 24.5 43-44*PI RHO'S (303) 0 2 0
44/42*FIVE ANGRY MEN (406) 7 28 1 20.0 44-42*EASTON VIPERS (407) 0 1 0
45/44*LORDS OF LIGHT (410) 0 5 0 0.0 45-39 PHOENIX-STAR (291) 0 1 0
46-45*PI RHO'S (303) 0 3 0 0.0 46/45*LORDS OF LIGHT (410) 0 1 0
'*' Unchartered team '-' Team did not fight this turn
(###) Avoid teams by their Team Id ##/## This turn's/Last turn's rank
TEAM SPOTLIGHT
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Return of the Macaroni of Evil ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Part I
Manager took a quick glance at his surroundings. Something was definitely
happening to the city of Aradi. The once peaceful and tranquil haven for Andorians
had become a convention center for crime and mean-spiritedness. To the left of him
Bobby Bigfoot vandalized a nearby wall. Across the street Lady Lerch stole food from
a homeless man. The scene was repeating itself everywhere. Normally innocent
managers were doing harmful deeds throughout the town. With a quick sigh, Manager
went to the new headquarters of Team 3, the Temple of Slaanesh.
Ivy and LHI were waiting for him in the meeting area of the temple. Ivy wore a
stunning green outfit with a simple fern print. She carefully painted her fingernails
with a blood red nail polish that only the demoness Pandora could have given her. LHI
sat comfortably in a white shirt and black leather jacket. He combed back his greased
hair and was practicing his "cool" poses in front of a small mirror he held with his
other hand.
"Have you guys noticed anything weird about this city?" asked Manager as he
entered the room.
"Yes," Ivy replied, not looking up from painting her nails, "the quality of life
in this town is falling faster than Team 6's ranking in the TOGS."
"Today, I saw Postmaster and Crow making mail bombs," commented LHI, "And I'm
pretty sure that was Mr. Mojo kicking a cat today too."
"That's nothing," Ivy finished doing her nails and began to blow them dry,
"DeGotti broke a blind man's cane this morning. Not to mention Laura Rrostarr was
making fun of the way Crazy Canuck always says 'eh'."
"Even I wouldn't do something like that...," LHI murmured, "that's just plain
mean."
"There's definitely something weird going on in this place...," pointed out
Manager, "have you noticed all the 'evil' managers that have recently made their way
up here? Ever since Nuln returned things have been going downhill. Managers that
have said that they would have never set foot in here are suddenly stopping by."
"You think it has something to do with Nuln?" asked Ivy.
"Not directly..." he replied. "But I do think I know the reason why he
returned...."
"What?" questioned LHI?
"He's back to reclaim the one artifact that has constantly eluded him...."
"You don't mean..." Ivy gasped.
"Yes. The Macaroni of Evil!" Manager said. "It must be back. That must be the
reason for his return. And it also explains all of the evil acts being committed
around here."
"That must be why Father is back too..." pointed out Ivy. "If I remember my
Aradi history right, he too was after that bad piece of pasta."
"What the heck is the Macaroni of Evil?" asked LHI.
"It's the source of all evil in Aradi...a long time ago an evil sorcerer placed a
curse on a piece of macaroni. As long as the macaroni remained, evil deeds would
occur wherever the macaroni was present. You see, Aradi wasn't always the peaceful
town you remember. It was once a town filled with crime and corruption until the ex-
Ivory League manager known as Miles came into Aradi. He discovered the existence of
the Macaroni of Evil, and with a few other brave managers--Nuln, Father, TGnome, and
myself-we went on a quest to find the Macaroni of Evil and destroy it."
"Wow!" commented, LHI, "What happened then?"
"It soon became apparent that Nuln, Father, and TGnome were all after the
Macaroni of Evil for their own evil ends. Or perhaps it was the presence ofthe
macaroni that had corrupted them. Whatever the reason, Miles made the ultimate
sacrifice to rid the city of the Macaroni of Evil--he ate it."
"How horrible! Did he survive?"
"The macaroni, digested by the acid in his stomach soon turned him into a hideous
monster named Beezlmiles. The good, innocent Miles became lost to us forever."
"That's such a tragic tale." Tears welled Ivy's eyes. "Miles's sacrifice surely
wasn't in vain...the Macaroni of Evil couldn't have returned."
"It must have...I have no other explanation for all of the crime we've been
witnessing in Aradi lately."
"If it has, how do we find it?" asked LHI, "How do we find a single piece of
macaroni on an entire island?"
"I have no idea." Manager replied, "Last time we had a map, but this time it is
literally like finding a needle in a haystack. But when we do find it, we will
destroy it forever! The fate of Aradi is in our hands!"
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Saab Story ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
"Be quiet, you'll let them hear us," Doc Viper whispered.
"Why do I have to do this?" Swifty whimpered.
"You need the practice. One should never overlook their skills, or lack of
skills."
"But we have plenty of gold and such. Why do we have to risk death just to get
more of something we already have plenty of?" Swifty whimpered.
Doc Viper ran his fingers across his lips, ignoring Swifty's pathetic pleas,
winked and snapped his fingers. He was becoming quite adept at the silence spell that
had come with the kit. He pointed at the newly remodeled club they were now standing
in front of. "We'll start here," he said, or rather tried to say. "At least the
silence spell works," he thought to himself. Stepping under the club's sign, the one
with the large S and M on it, Doc Viper began his semantics for invisibility. Feeling
a tap on his shoulder, he heard Swifty McSwift say, "What about her?" It was IVY with
a sign in her hands, pacing back and forth on the walk in front of the club. This
time mercifully, the lightning struck almost immediately.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
The members of S&M and the rest of the party goers (minus Death Stud, who was
still passed out) dashed out the front door of the club to see what all the commotion
was, Lerch followed only slightly behind the others (he'd stopped and get a small box
with what appeared to be an opening in one end). There they found three smoldering
bodies, alive but quite dazed.
After careful inspection of the three, Lerch concluded that one of them was none
other than Doc Viper, the fledgling magician he had been speaking of earlier. "See
what you can do for these two, dear, and then bring them inside," Lerch said to his
wife, Lady Lerch, after secretly relaying the information to RR and Darkside.
"Dammit, Lerch! Do it yourself. What do I look like? Another one of your...."
Lady Lerch shot back. It was at this point that RR interrupted (someone had to save
Lerch from the Lady) and motioned for Zilla to help Doc Viper and Swifty into the
club. The gigantic warrior obediently complied and brought the two dazed but
potential partners into the establishment.
As everyone was starting to re-enter the club, Tom Boy said, "What about this
one?" and pointed at IVY.
Yes poor IVY <g>, there she was sprawled in the street. Her hair was now
pointing in about a thousand different directions (lightning tends to do that) and was
singed at the ends. Her leopard skin bodysuit was somewhat there. A better
description would be that it covered what needed to be and not much more.
"I can handle this," said Lerch as he turned and pointed his box at IVY, a "Click"
followed by "Whirring" sound were heard by those that were still outside. Lerch then
turned and as he entered the club he said, "I think I've found that picture for over
the bar. Drinks are on the house."
By Rascally Rabbit
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Aradi Wannabee's ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
In Farmer boB's milk barn, the herd was preparing for the night's mission. Camo
green ear tags and udder protectors. Just as the final preparations where finished,
there was a knock on the door. To everyone's shock it was Ed., who just happened to
be tonight's mission.
"Okay ladies, don't kill me; I've come to tell you the truth about RSI," said Ed.
"First off, it's not my fault that your boss's P.A.'S, and spotlight's come up
missing. Believe this or not, there is no HAL computer, but as long as we say there
is, any time the staff gets tired or wants a day off we just blame it on HAL. It's
truly a great scape goat (no offense, Wayne)."
In between Ed. spilling his guts, Bossy sat down in a corner chair that just so
happened to contain Captain K. No one knew why he was even in this story line but he
seems to have died an extremely happy death.
Getting back to the story line, Ed. got back to his sniveling and save-his-own-
ass-at-any-cost story. "Yes, you where right about the coin flip, but it's so much
easier to use this method rather than buying a computer and hiring a programmer. But
I'm now going to tell you the most horrible and disgusting secret in this entire
story."
Ed took a long drink of milk (what do you expect he's in a milk barn?). "What
I'm about to tell you may cost me my life. Green Eyes is not actually in charge;
there is this one sinister man who always has the final say. He is the sole owner and
president of the company. Anytime you get a 3wt 3wl rollup, it's due to this man.
Anytime a sz3 godling dies, he gives us a bonus. If your lunger somehow goes 1-1-5
parry in the championship round, we get three days off with pay."
Ed. wipes the sweat off his brow before making his final revelation. "We don't
actually know his real name, but he goes by the alias _________ Sultan!!
Farmer boB
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Story Time with DeGotti #2 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Since the last Story Time was such a BIG hit...yeah right...I thought I would
pull another one out of the archives for this turn. This is actually a Duelmasters
Column that appeared in Zuwayza on turn# 72. The Duelmaster was a crazy Rat...yup...
that's right Boss-Rat actually took time to write a DM column, but then again, he was
rather active in Basic DM at the time as well as ADM. His guy Nasty-Rat was DM and
had beaten an upstart DM named Rockin Rikki form a team called Code of Blue. Nasty
was 28-11 at this time and was pretty prime. So this is what Boss-Rat came up
with....
Reporter: Here we are folks, standing outside the manhole cover that leads to the
Rats' Guildhall. We've been told that Boss-Rat himself will make an appearance soon
and tell us about today's incredible title fight that saw Nasty-Rat wrest the title
from Rockin' Rikki.
Boss-Rat: Okay, I'm here. Whatta ya want to know?
Reporter: How's it feel to have a second one of your fighters become Duelmaster?
Boss-Rat: Of course it feels great, but Zuwayza has seen other teams do better so we
have our work cut out for us.
Reporter: How do you account for the fact that Nasty couldn't beat Rikki a couple
fights back, but turns around and defeats him in their next fight?
Boss-Rat: Well, in their first fight, Nasty was so excited when he found out he was
fighting a TP that his adrenaline kicked into high gear and he looked like a pinwheel
in a hurricane. This time we had a secret weapon.
Reporter: Really now. What was that?
Boss-Rat: Tranquilizers! Of course we didn't tell Nasty what they were. He thought
they were Flintstone Vitamins.
Reporter: They sure seemed to do the trick. Would you mind clarifying your remarks
made to Code of Blue after Nasty's loss to Rikki?
Boss-Rat: Sure. I've always felt it was in the best interest of the game when two
warriors can duke it out until there is a winner, but there are a lot of managers and
fighters who would rather "scum" their way to victory. When one fighter is engaged in
combat and makes no attempt to swing or hit his opponent during the entire fight, he
proves nothing and earns no respect. Trust me, I'm not starting any crusade against
scum. As long as there are gladiator games, there will be scum. You just have to
learn to deal with it.
Reporter: Well said! One last question. Will Nasty defend his title and who will he
challenge?
Boss-Rat: Of course he'll defend it. We're planning a special rubber match challenge
for Rikki. After that, who knows? There are a couple more Orcs moving into the Top
Ten, so it should prove interesting.
Nasty-Rat: Uhh boss, can me give speech now?
Boss-Rat: NO!
Well, there you have it...words to live by from the Boss man himself, Boss-Rat.
I hope you enjoyed this little travel back in time. Until next week, friends, happy
reading.
DeGotti
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Rantings of a Madman--Finally!! ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Finally...a winning turn. I can't believe my eyes. Look at the newsletter again
if you don't believe me. Team on the move...Five Angry Men. In the Spy Report...Five
Angry Men. In the Dead Fighters list...Monkey Mouse of Five Angry Men on the killer
side.
So what does this all mean? Am I out of a giant slump? Was I just lucky? Did I
fight some losers? All these questions but only one answer. The answer
please...sorry you will have to keep reading to find out. I like to keep up the
suspense for you slow readers that haven't figured out that you can skip all the fluff
to get the answer now. Suckers.
So do you want an update on Persian Bold? I didn't think so. He won. And just
to prove that some people can never be satisfied.... He was pretty upset about it.
He was also pissed off that I spotlighted him in the newsletter. He went off on me
about how everyone will take advantage of him and such. I just let him know that he
will have to just beat those that try to take advantage of him.
Hey, what's the deal with my teammates? Postmaster, are you out there? Where is
your spotlight? I haven't seen one in a while. You can't tell me that nothing
exciting is happening down there with the postmaster general. I await your stories
and the couple of points that go along with it. And Enthar? Have you even written a
single spotlight? It seems that they don't even have to be long enough to get some
points. Look at all the partial credit that has been handed out. At least make a
showing. Tell us what your stable eats for breakfast. I've seen your trash and it's
some pretty scary stuff.
Rambling on.... I am quite surprised at Nuln's last spotlight. I had always
assumed that he was a childish and immature big mouth baby. And the spotlight just
proved it. Will someone tell him that his anal fixation should have been outgrown by
the age of five. Grow up already. No one wants to hear about your fascination with
butts. Or maybe you are the designated hemorrhoid for Aradi. I know you're a pain in
my ass. (Can I say ass on the air?)
Now let me go. I have to make an appearance at Mashin Ronin's funeral. The poor
chick just couldn't take a real beating. Maybe the chicks should stay at home with
their mother hens. And the answer is...who cares?
Bigguy--The Biggest Angry Man
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Eulogy for Snake ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
A pleasant day to you fellow managers, warriors, and fans. We have gathered
together today to pay final tribute to one of my "flock", Rattlesnake Shake. He
would've liked for me to share a few things with all of you, because they are things
we spoke about many times. First, he's very happy for all of your attendance. He
always said that, should he ever die in battle, his true friends and allies would be
the ones at this particular ceremony. Second, he's thankful for the life the arena
gave him. He always enjoyed the fact that so many people said he would never amount
to anything in the arena, and he had proven them wrong. I never really met his
family, and though I'm sure they wouldn't have wanted to see his life end like this, I
have no doubt with what their boy had accomplished.
This is the part in these speeches, and I've given quite a few unfortunately,
where I list the passed warrior's accomplishments.... Well, to be honest, he didn't
have many accolades for me to sing today. He never performed well in tourneys, won
most of the fights he should've won, and lost most of the fights he should've lost.
On the surface, not a meaningful career. Yet, if we delve deeper, you'll see why I
will particularly miss this particular young man. He entered the arena, an oversized,
wimpy, one-dimensional fighter, and exited with a surprising amount of skill for one
of his style. In addition to that, he was quite withdrawn due to his little, ah,
hitch to his vocabulary when he joined us. He didn't talk all that much. The last
practice he attended, he was the most talkative of the bunch!! Yet he fell victim,
like so many of my other students have, to their one fatal flaw, whatever that
happened to be.
In Snake's case, it was his quickness of foot, or lack thereof. It was something
he worked extraordinarily hard on, and I admire him for that, because standing at 6'6"
it's often hard not to be clumsy and rather slow inherently. 'Tis my burden to bear
really. None of my Primus warriors are what we'd call speed demons, and I depend
solely on my Primus warriors to train my current students. Many of Snake's opponents
would attest that he attacked without mercy, and held the attack if he should attain
it. Unfortunately, the one style he did not match up well against, was the style he
ended up matching against five times, including the last fight of his career. I curse
Lisa Sinclair's name, and pray that I am I, the only original member left standing on
the team, can do the right thing, and make her feel some pain as we've felt.
For the curious, Snake had 2 ratings of Advanced Master (Init-Att), 1 Master
(Riposte??), and 1 Ad-Ex (+4 at death) Decise. Not great, but would have a good
chance at the next October tourney when they let the warriors who have passed on fight
again for their lives, were it not for his lack of quickness to the blow. Either way,
he will fight and have the chance to regain his life when that time comes. He earned
it through his deeds! Salute!! We will remember you Snake, and I buried you with
your first weapon, just like you asked (sob)....
Destitute Noble
(friend and manager of Rattlesnake Shake warrior in Aradi) 9(+2)-7(+1)-17-21-17-5-11
RIP
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wimps of Death ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Wimpy was worried. He had allowed his scribe, Festor Foureyes to hire the Wimps'
latest fighter, Nitnoid. Nitnoid seemed like a nice enough fellow, but there was
something about him that made Wimpy uncomfortable. "I guess I had better talk to
Festor and find out what I can about this guy," mused Wimpy.
"Festor," yelled Wimpy, "get in here."
Festor came bursting through the door while saying, "Yes boss. Yes boss."
"Festor, I've got to know more about Nitnoid. Give me a rundown again."
"Well boss, he won his first fight."
"I know that. But it wasn't much of a fight. He only fought one of those stupid
Dawgs of War guys. Tell me about his history."
"He was a salesman traveling all of Alastari and from what he told me he was the
top salesperson for his company. Other than that I don't know much about him and
before you say anything let me suggest you just give him a chance. He seems to be a
smart guy and should learn fast."
"OK Festor, you've been with me for years and I guess I had better trust your
judgement. It's just that I feel nervous. We are trying to win this TOGS thing you
know. D. Noble and DeGotti are depending on us Wimps to gets some points. We are in
first now but there are something like eight turns to go and our lead is not that
great."
"Boss, he will do it for us. Don't worry."
"Now you've done it. The minute anyone tells me to not worry is when I start to
really worry."
"Forget it boss. Right now we have the team picnic to get ready for."
"Oh gosh. I forgot all about it, Festor. What do we have to get ready?"
"As usual boss I've got everything under control. Everything is set. There is
nothing for you to do but enjoy yourself."
A couple of hours later Wimpy was at the Aradi picnic grounds. Flitworth,
Gyrospaz, Wuss, Knuckledragger and Festor were all busy spreading the blankets and the
food. Wimpy was tending the fire on the barbeque and preparing to cook, what else,
hamburgers. Wimpy looked around and realized that Nitnoid had not shown up as yet.
Just as Wimpy was ready to yell at Festor the bushes parted and Nitnoid strode into
the picnic area.
"Mr. Wimpy," began Nitnoid, "I'm sorry I'm late. I had to get my coach cleaned
and it took a little longer than normal. The coach cleaners weren't used to a coach
like mine."
"Okay Nitnoid, no problem," said Wimpy, "but please tell me a little about what
you did before you came to Aradi to fight for us."
"Like I told Festor, I was in sales. I got to the top and there was no place
else for me to go in sales with my company. In fact I won the top sales prize, a
completely outfitted coach. That's the one I was having cleaned before I got here.
Very few salespeople win a coach like mine. So now I want to get to the top of the
arena and I heard that the Wimps are the team to be with if you want the best."
Wimpy almost gagged but managed to blurt out, "Someone told you the Wimps are the
team to be...with."
Before Wimpy had a stroke Nitnoid cut in, "Mr. Wimpy, how about I show you my
coach?"
Speechless, Wimpy followed Nitniod through the trees to look at Nitnoid's prize
coach. When they cleared the trees Wimpy almost passed out. There parked just off
the road was one of the largest coaches he had ever seen. It had a team of eight
horses. But it wasn't the size or the number of horses; it was the color that floored
Wimpy. The entire coach, rigging and even the horses were pink. A bright, shining
pink. Wimpy was overcome. It took several moments before he managed to gasp out,
"What the heck...I've never seen anything like. You said you won the coach for being
the tops in sales. What kind of company would give their salespeople pink coaches?"
"Mr. Wimpy, sir. I won this coach because I was to best at my company."
"What company was that, you nitnoid, you?"
"Kary May Cosmetics of course."
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Wild Cards ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Snotman turned to Mad Max, "Manager must be silly if he thinks we are going to
move this whole mountain with just a pair of tweezers!"
Mad Max replied, "Snotman, after all we've been through I think its worth it for
this armor. You risked your life in that pit of liquid hot magma!"
"That isn't what I meant," Snotman replied.
He reached into his bag and pulled out a toothpick, "I'll scratch out sand size
pebbles and you use the tweezers to maneuver them into position!"
"That will make our project go twice as fast" Mad Max agreed and the two of them
went to work.
First Snotman carefully gouged out a tiny piece of rock with his toothpick and
then Mad Max, with infinite care, carried the miniscule pebble over to the location
that Manager had indicated was to be the new home of his mountain. As he worked,
Snotman sang this song:
Sixteen tons and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt.
St. Peter don't ya call me 'cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store.
Mad Max listened to Snotman work and was reminded of a digging story that he'd
once heard, "Did you ever hear the story of John Henry. He was supposed to be able to
dig a tunnel faster than any man alive. Why the rock would fly and he would tear into
that mountain like it was cheese. Not a hard cheese like parmesan either. I'm
talking about a soft cheese like havarti or mozzarella. Or maybe even softer (I never
saw him work so I can't say for sure) but I bet he could tunnel through a mountain
like it was cream cheese or even that orange stuff that Lerch has. You know, the
stuff. It comes in a can and when you push on the top in squirts right out. He eats
in on crackers and bread. And he told me that sometimes he likes to put it on his
pie. He says its especially good on cherry pie or peach cobbler. I bet ol' John
Henry could tunnel through this mountain like Lerch chawin' down on some cherry pie!"
Snotman, replied, "I bet John Henry didn't have to account for every little piece
of rock when he was a-tunneling. What we're doing here is precision work. That is
why we are using such accurate tools. When we are done, Manager will have his
mountain moved. Each detail exactly like it was but moved five feet. Hey, careful
there, you almost knocked over a piece of rock the size of a flea. That could throw
our whole structure off when we reassemble it."
Mad Max responded, shaken to his core, "I'm so sorry, Snotman, I'll be more
careful next time. I'd hate to get to the and find a single piece missing so we
couldn't re-assemble is properly. That reminds of this one time when me and my
brother were doing a puzzle. It was a fifteen thousand piece puzzle and we'd been
working on it since Vengeance was in basic. As we got down to the very end I started
to feel like something was wrong. I couldn't put my finger on it until that very last
piece came up. The Dark One snapped it into place and there was still a hole in the
puzzle. We were in shock and then the Dark One snapped, he grabbed Rabid Moose and
went down to the store. I hurried after them but by the time I got there it was too
late. The store manager had been pooka-pooka'd to death. We took every copy of that
puzzle that was in the store home and spent the next several months searching for that
last piece. When we finally found it, it was the most satisfying moment of my life!"
They continued working, first Snotman would yabber about something inane and
mundane and then Mad Max would spout some nonsense. But as the editor, I'm just going
to yadda yadda it....
As Snotman went to break up the last two little bits of rock, a light exploded
behind his eyes and comprehension dawned on him. He grabbed Mad Max by the arm and
run to Manager's cave. Snotman grabbed the old geezer by the beard and shouted, "This
is just a big waste of time!"
Manager carefully extricated his flowing white locks of facial growth and
replied, "Well, I like them a little dumber, but you have proven yourself qualified to
wear the armor. Wear it with pride, for no scimitar or battle-axe, halberd or maul
will damage you whilst you wear this protection!"
Next week, the final confrontation with King Creepster
--Snotman
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Not A TOGS Spotlight ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
My good friend Paul Schaeffer used to work with some celebrity down South in the
States, eh, and this guy had eh reputation for doing some kind of Top Ten List, eh.
We don't do Top Ten Lists on the north side of the border, eh, but to make you guys
comfortable, I offer you a typically Canuck Top 40 List, eh. Merci Beaucoup to Poison
Ivy for the inspirational e-mail.
TOP 40 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH CANADIANS FROM AMERICANS, EH.
#40. Canadian's stand in "line-ups" at the movie, eh, not lines.
#39. We are not offended by the term, "Homo Milk", eh.
#38. We understand the phrase, "Could you please pass me eh serviette, eh, I just
spilled my poutine."
#37. We eat chocolate bars, eh, instead of candy bars.
#36. We drink pop, eh, not soda.
#35. We know what it means to be on pogey, eh.
#34. We know that eh mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at the camp, eh!"
#33. We can drink legally while still eh teen-ager.
#32. We talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike, eh.
#31. We don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, eh, it's just eh cheap place to
travel with good cigars and no Americans.
#30. When there is eh social problem, we turn to our government to fix it, eh,
instead of telling them to stay out of it.
#29. We are not sure if the leader of our nation has EVER had sex, eh, and we don't
want to know if he has!
#28. We get milk in bags, eh, as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
#27. We know eh Pike is a type of fish, eh, not some part of eh highway.
#26. We drive on eh highway, not eh freeway.
#25. We sit on eh couch not eh chesterfield, eh, because Chesterfield is some small
town in Quebec.
#24. We know what eh Robertson screwdriver is.
#23. We have Canadian Tire money stashed away somewhere at home, eh.
#22. Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of our favourite food groups, eh.
#21. We know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
#20. We dismiss all beers under 6%, eh, as "for children and the elderly".
#19. We know that the Friendly Giant isn't eh vegetable product line.
#18. We know that Casey and Finnegan are not eh Celtic musical group.
#17. We have participated in "Participation."
#16. We have an Inuit carving by our bedsides, eh with the rationale that,
"Whatever's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for
me."
#15. We wonder why there isn't eh 5 dollar coin yet.
#14. Unlike any international assassin/terrorist/spy in the world, eh, we don't
possess eh Canadian passport.
#13. We use a red pen on our non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from
labour, honour, and colour.
#12. We know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", eh,
thanks to our extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
#11. We get excited whenever eh Yankee television show mentions Canada.
#10. We make sure to talk about it at work the next day, eh.
#9. We can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-eh-ma-rinky-
dinky-doo" opus.
#8. We can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous, eh.
#7. We were upset when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air, eh, though it was
eh good way to get rid of Relic.
#6. We know what eh toque is.
#5. We have some memento of the great hoseheads, Bob and Doug McKenzie, eh.
#4. We'll admit Rich Little is eh Canadian, eh, and we are glad Jerry Lewis isn't.
#3. We know Toronto is not eh province.
#2. We know Toronto is not the capital of Canada, eh.
#1. We never miss "Coaches Corner", eh.
Brought to you by Crazy Canuck,
Manager of Ingrate White North, Eh!
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ Deep 13 ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
The remaining four member of Deep 13 were creeping about Evil Crow's office.
"Psst. Hey, fuzzy. What are we looking for anyway?" asked Commando Cody.
"Grr. My name is Werewolf. No need to whisper, Crow is off at the bar getting
hammered again. I heard Crow cackling to himself the other day about sending Megalon
to the DA. He also mentioned that it 'was only the beginning.' I think he's got
something planned for us. Something...bad for our health."
Nuveena peeked out from under Crow's desk. "Really? He just sat there saying
all of this to himself?"
Werewolf glanced at Nuveena. "Yes. And should that surprise you at all?"
Nuveena thought for a moment. "No. I suppose it shouldn't."
Tom Stewart, who was searching through the trash bin suddenly sprang up. "I've
got it! Yeah!"
Everyone ran over to look. "That's a box of Milk Duds you idiot!" growled
Werewolf.
Tom Stewart looked blankly at Werewolf. "Yeah? I was hungry!"
Werewolf sighed and went back to searching. Command Cody called the team over.
"Wait. I think there's some kind of book over here under this...magazine...oh my."
"Cody, put the magazine down! You're right. There is a little diary or
something under there. Let's take a look."
Crow's personal journal. Turn 217
The TOGS doesn't go as well as I hoped, but not too badly either. The team is
getting on my nerves. How did that other me put up with them. Oh well, once the TOGS
is over I will have to dispose of them. It will be sweet to leave his team a smoking
ruin. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Megalon
Finally clear this dead weight off the team. Has learned very little. I'd like
to think up a suitable demise for him, but if I'm to seriously pursue this TOGS thing,
he has to go immediately. I'll just have to DA him, and hope he dies slow.
Replacement?
Hope it's somebody I can work with. Preferably someone who will unquestioningly
follow orders. That way it will be easier to get rid of him when his usefulness is
over. At least Megalon was good for that.
Commando Cody
Taken so many beatings of late, maybe an opponent will do the job for me. If
not, keep him around for the duration of the TOGS. Maybe he can rack up a few more
points before I must dispose of him. The dunking tank filled with rabid howler
monkeys perhaps?
Tom Stewart
Shouldn't be much of a problem. His uncanny luck has served him well so far but
it will run out soon enough. HA. HAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA!
Werewolf
The biggest problem. I'm sure the fuzzball suspects something. Nothing I can do
about it right now. He won't try anything for a while, I expect. Maybe I'll slip
some silver pellets in his kibble when this contest is all over.
Squidboy/JD
Taking them down together is the best bet. Maybe a post TOGS party. Perhaps
invite all the managers of Aradi. Hmm. Get them all in one place and they might
begin to do my work for me. Develop more later.
Notes:
--Take rabid howler monkey #6 to the vet. I don't think the mailman agreed with him.
--Swifty, back? Doctor Viper indeed....
--Out of bacon and mayo. Must get to store.
--Why do I have this strange craving for a muffin?
"Oh my god!" cried Nuveena.
"Yeah." Werewolf agreed. "I can't believe he's planning to kill us all off."
Nuveena looked confused for a moment. "Oh. Yeah. But...but...but...doesn't he
know how bad for you bacon and mayonnaise are?!"
Werewolf sighed to himself and tried to think of something to do. "Cody! Put
that magazine down!"
Crow, returning from the bar stumbled into his office, oblivious to stares of his
team as he passed them in the hallway. He flopped into his chair and fell asleep. A
few hours later, the teammates hear a scream from the office. "Hey! Who stole my
Milk Duds!"
This spot was brought to you by Deep 13 and Mildew War, the exciting new board
game. Can you be the first to completely clean the bathroom by obliterating the evil
mildew menace?
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Matrix, Part Eight ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Neo, Morpheus, and Trinity made their way back to the abandoned tenement where
their minds could exit the Duelmasters simulation. Neo didn't understand all the
technical details, but apparently a device called a phone was used to transfer them
into the simulation from the real world. These phones only operated at certain
locations, so that's why the tenement was important to the resistance fighters.
Switch and A-poc nodded to the returning people from their posts at the front
entrance. They all entered the building together. Out of the corner of his eye, Neo
saw a disheveled Crazy Canuck sitting in a cardboard box, drinking a beer. The Canuck
crushed the beer can against his forehead. Then his image seemed to shimmer for a
moment. The Canuck had an uncrushed can in his hand and crushed it against his
forehead again.
"Weird," said Neo.
"What was that, Neo?" asked Morpheus.
"I just had a beerja-vu."
Morpheus looked worried. "A beerja-vu happens when they alter something in the
program. Like the training rates in Gateway, or...."
He was cut off by a yell from Cypher. "Dark Arena Agents! They're at the front
entrance!" The group ran up the stairs to the room where the phone was. Trinity
tried to dial their escape, but looked up in dismay when she realized the phone cord
had been severed.
"To the windows," said Morpheus. "We'll climb down the fire escape." When he
raised the shade he was shocked to see a solid brick wall where the open air should
be. "That's what they altered," he growled. "Damn, I was really hoping it was the
training rates."
On the floor below, Mouse was making a heroic stand to delay Harkon and his men.
"Eat this, Harkon!" he yelled, firing his crossbow. Harkon dropped to his knees,
avoiding the shot, then leaped back up. He then ducked low, his epee slicing wickedly
upward from low guard, impaling Mouse through the heart.
Harkon pulled his epee free from Mouse's body and hurried up the stairs. Once
arriving, however, he found only an empty room. "Search the building," he commanded
to his men. Little did he know that his prey was concealed within the walls of the
room itself.
Morpheus and company were shimmying down the crawlspace past the plumbing pipes.
They moved carefully to avoid making any noise to give away their position. The
silence was broken when Cypher sneezed from the dust. Suddenly the wall exploded as
Harkon punched through into the crawlspace. He grabbed Morpheus and pulled him into
the bathroom. Neo wanted to help but Trinity pulled him down as she descended.
Morpheus would buy them the time they needed to escape.
It was at this point that Captain K. was forcibly ejected from the computer by
his wife. It seems there are forces in the universe more powerful than RSI even.
-- Captain K.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
T.O.G.S. Administrative Hoopla Column (Turn 7)
[well, yeah, technically it's for turn 6 too,
but that's really beside the point]
==============================================
This is going to be short and to the point, but at least I didn't FORGET this
week....
T216 fights:
WARRIOR: WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
AOIFE BLACKWOLF vanquished BEING LEWINSKIED TEAM 1 10
SHIWA SUKIDES was defeated by AODH BLACKWOLF TEAM 1 7
POOR EXCUSE was overpowered by TRINITY TEAM 1 7
SWITCH luckily beat PRALIX TEAM 1 7
MONTE CARLO was savagely defeated by CYPHER TEAM 1 7
TOTAL: 38
SLAYER XLVII was slaughtered by T.O.G.S. MONSTER TEAM 2 7
TOM STEWART was overpowered by LISA SINCLAIR TEAM 2 7
DARK BUDDHA was handily defeated by THE BARONESS TEAM 2 7
KAYLA RROSTARR won victory over WAR BADGER TEAM 2 10
LAURA RROSTARR viciously subdued SPIKE TEAM 2 7
PEPE LE FUNK demolished ELECTRIX TEAM 2 7
JULIA narrowly defeated FUN HOUSE TEAM 2 7
QUAM SNIPER bested EDIA BLACKWOLF TEAM 2 7
TOTAL: 59
COMMANDO CODY was viciously subdued by DRUSILLA TEAM 3 7
WINNING WAYS luckily beat SYLVIA RROSTARR TEAM 3 10
ATOG unbelievably bested AVIENDHA TEAM 3 10
ELMER GANTRY was savagely defeated by THE SCROD GODDESS TEAM 3 7
SCRYB SPRITE subdued HOOT TEAM 3 7
FAITH viciously subdued DREAMIN' LIZARD TEAM 3 7
TOTAL: 48
GYROSPAZ savagely defeated PEANUT TEAM 4 10
KNUCKLEDRAGGER overcame MEGALON TEAM 4 10
BLACKBURST overpowered TANK TEAM 4 10
TOTAL: 30
LIGHTNING IX overpowered UKTABI EFREET TEAM 5 10
MASHIN RONIN was devastated by SOFT FOOT TEAM 5 7
MEGADETH XCVII subdued UNZIPPED TEAM 5 10
TYPHOID MARY overpowered RAMIREZ DEPIETRO TEAM 5 7
DEATH XXXII demolished JET BOY TEAM 5 7
TOTAL: 41
CHRYSTAL RAIN was demolished by METEOR SHOWER TEAM 6 7
MICHELLE was subdued by TEMPEST TEAM 6 7
TOTAL: 14
SHOGAN demolished MONSTER BASH TEAM 7 10
ELIXER savagely defeated POET TEAM 7 10
EARTHSHAKER was beaten by INDECENTLY XPOSED TEAM 7 7
JACK MEHOFF was viciously subdued by ON-THE-ROOF TEAM 7 7
SURFING FOR SMUT overpowered CORDELIA TEAM 7 7
ZILLA slaughtered SMILES TEAM 7 7
TOTAL: 48
MR. SOPHISTICATED overpowered FLITWORTH TEAM 8 10
TONYA HARDING was luckily beaten by GRAVEMOLD TEAM 8 7
TRAVIS beat NUVEENA TEAM 8 10
CRYBABY BEANHEAD handily defeated BERRYWACK TEAM 8 10
DWAYNE overcame PRYMM TEAM 8 10
AIRTIGHT ANNIE handily defeated THROG BLACKWOLF TEAM 8 7
TOTAL: 54
BEING PONYTAILED was outlasted by DOMINATRIX TEAM 9 7
TOTAL: 7
PIN BOT vanquished LETTER CARRIER TEAM 10 4
FAT JACKS luckily beat BUTKUS TEAM 10 4
FALISHA RROSTARR was vanquished by WEREWOLF TEAM 10 7
LIPSTICKS savagely defeated WILLOW TEAM 10 10
LOOP MAIL was overpowered by MOUSIN' AROUND TEAM 10 7
RANCH BOWL vanquished DRUNKEN MONK TEAM 10 10
DUBBS PUB viciously subdued WAYNE TEAM 10 10
TOTAL: 52
WINDOW CLERK savagely defeated GRANTURISMO TEAM 12 10
TEAM 3 RULES TOGS was viciously subdued by SMALL PACKAGE TEAM 12 7
TOTAL: 17
T216 totals:
TOTAL Turn 6 Turn 6 Turn 6 Turn 6
TEAM POINTS Fights Spots Ads Avoids
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
TEAM 4 384 30 15 -5
TEAM 8 356 54 14
TEAM 2 336 59 4 5
TEAM 10 332 52 10
TEAM 6 315 14 5 -5
TEAM 3 291 48 5
TEAM 1 263 38 5
TEAM 5 235 41 -5
TEAM 7 234 48 10
TEAM 12 183 17 5
TEAM 11 21 -15
TEAM 9 20 7 -15
---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ---------- ----------
T217 fights:
WARRIOR: WARRIOR: WINNER: PNTS:
DRUNKEN MONK was subdued by CU'AOIFE II TEAM 1 7
BODO PROUDFFOOT was bested by AOIFE BLACKWOLF TEAM 1 7
TOTAL: 14
MEGADETH XCVII was viciously subdued by T.O.G.S. MONSTER TEAM 2 7
TYPHOID MARY was beaten by LAURA RROSTARR TEAM 2 7
FALISHA RROSTARR demolished ELECTRIX TEAM 2 10
GRAVEMOLD was savagely defeated by MICHELLE RROSTARR TEAM 2 7
RATTLESNAKE SHAKE was slaughtered by LISA SINCLAIR TEAM 2 7
TOTAL: 38
COMMANDO CODY was demolished by RAMIREZ DEPIETRO TEAM 3 7
ATOG savagely defeated KAYLA RROSTARR TEAM 3 10
WEREWOLF lost to DRUSILLA TEAM 3 7
UKTABI EFREET vanquished CHRYSTAL RAIN TEAM 3 7
CORDELIA devastated SMALL PACKAGE TEAM 3 7
TOTAL: 38
SOFT FOOT was defeated by KNUCKLEDRAGGER TEAM 4 7
THE LOVE TRAIN luckily beat LIPSTICKS TEAM 4 10
AVIENDHA demolished DWAYNE TEAM 4 10
DEAD SKIN MASK vanquished DUBBS PUB TEAM 4 10
GYROSPAZ won victory over JULIA TEAM 4 7
TRAVIS was subdued by THE LUMBERJACK TEAM 4 7
TOTAL: 51
LIGHTNING IX demolished BEN TEAM 5 10
WINNING WAYS was overpowered by BERRYWACK TEAM 5 7
HOOT overpowered TONYA HARDING TEAM 5 10
MUDSLIDE was outwaited by BLITZKRIEG TEAM 5 7
TOTAL: 34
ELMER GANTRY bested HOOTERS TEAM 6 10
NUVEENA was overpowered by METEOR SHOWER TEAM 6 7
BUTKUS beat RANCH BOWL TEAM 6 10
I AM I was overpowered by BULLROARER TOOK TEAM 6 7
GERONTIUS TOOK overpowered MR. SOPHISTICATED TEAM 6 7
SEET CHEEKS was luckily beaten by LAVA FLOW TEAM 6 7
TEMPEST defeated JASMINE BOREAL TEAM 6 7
TOTAL: 55
PRYMM was overpowered by ZILLA TEAM 7 7
BEING PONYTAILED put to death CATATONIA TEAM 7 10
INDECENTLY XPOSED outlasted DEATH XXXII TEAM 7 10
MONTE CARLO handily defeated EARTHSHAKER TEAM 7 10
CHEESIS K. REIST was viciously subdued by ON-THE-ROOF TEAM 7 7
DEATH BOAR was savagely defeated by UNZIPPED TEAM 7 7
BEING LEWINSKIED overpowered FAITH TEAM 7 7
GRANTURISMO subdued HAILSTORM TEAM 7 7
TOTAL: 65
PEPE LE FUNK was handily defeated by CRYBABY BEANHEAD TEAM 8 7
PEANUT luckily beat PIN BOT TEAM 8 10
AIRTIGHT ANNIE demolished MONSTER BASH TEAM 8 10
WAYNE unbelievably bested EDIA BLACKWOLF TEAM 8 10
TOTAL: 37
INDIAN ROCKET was beaten by PRALIX TEAM 9 7
TOTAL: 7
SHOGAN was overpowered by TOM STEWART TEAM 10 7
MEGALON overpowered QUAM SNIPER TEAM 10 10
TOTAL: 17
WINDOW CLERK overcame MOUSIN' AROUND TEAM 12 10
PERSIAN BOLD narrowly defeated FAT JACKS TEAM 12 10
LADIES DIN savagely defeated TEAM 3 RULES TOGS TEAM 12 10
LOOP MAIL luckily beat BLACKBURST TEAM 12 10
MONKEY MOUSE slew MASHIN RONIN TEAM 12 10
LETTER CARRIER viciously subdued JACK MEHOFF TEAM 12 7
TOTAL: 57
T217 totals:
TOTAL Turn 7 Turn 7 Turn 7 Turn 7
TEAM POINTS Fights Spots Ads Avoids
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
TEAM 4 450 51 15
TEAM 8 405 37 12
TEAM 6 365 55 5 -10
TEAM 2 364 38 -10 0*
TEAM 10 359 17 10
TEAM 3 334 38 5
TEAM 7 304 65 10 -5
TEAM 1 277 14 5 -5
TEAM 5 254 34 -15
TEAM 12 245 57 5
TEAM 9 20 7 3 -10
TEAM 11 11 5 -15
Congratulations to Team 4 for their continued presence at the top of the rankings
despite the huge drag marks left behind them from carrying DeGotti through the whole
thing. Team 6, I'm embarrassed that I threw my vote behind you as the favorites. It
was obviously unwarranted, especially if Soultaker continues to DA his whole team
every turn.
Anyone I e-mailed this to already will notice that the final number above include
10 more points for Team 6 due to Creepster's personals and spotlight being sucked into
the RSI TOGS black hole despite arriving on time and in one piece. I was also amused
by the fact that a Team 2 manager was most avoided (House Rrostarr), but since the
biggest avoider was teammate Eastern Horde, they netted a nice round zero.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.............
--Death Stud
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Money Man ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Snotlings for Peace was an all-male society of retired chauvinist naval officers
with a long tradition of charity work and supporting the military efforts of Andoria.
But despite its good reputation, it was a financial disaster. When it became evident
that the society was on the verge of bankruptcy, its president decided to take extreme
measures and hired
THE
MONEY
MAN.
The Money Man arrived in his new office with a gray hat on his head and a small
leather suitcase in his hand. He sat on his desk and sent a few telegrams, then had a
cup of coffee and flirted with the secretary for the rest of the day. The next day he
flirted with the secretary some more and sent no telegrams. On the third day the
presidents of the society were already starting to regret hiring him when the news hit
them: Seventy thousand scrod had been added to the organization's bank account.
"Hm," said the Chief Coordinator of Snotlings for Peace.
"Hm," said everybody else except the Money Man who was busy flirting with the
secretary.
On the fourth day, the Money Man arrived at its work place, had a cup of coffee
and left for the whole day. Then he returned in the afternoon to pick up his hat and
flirt with the secretary on the way out.
"Hm," everybody said suspiciously.
"Aaaah!" the Chief Coordinator shrieked when he discovered that a hundred
thousand scrod were missing from the organization's account.
Then the news hit again: "Snotlings for Peace" was now a business corporation.
"But how?" everybody wondered.
"But how?" the Chief Coordinator asked.
"Simple," the Money Man replied. "I effectively closed down "Snotlings for Peace
Society" and registered a "Snotlings for Peace Corporation," which inherited all its
assets and means of production."
"Means of production?"
"Yes, we are producing gardening tools."
"We are?!"
"No. We are only theoretically producing gardening tools. In reality, we are
only selling them."
"Who produces them then?"
"Nobody. But this doesn't mean that we can't sell them. On the contrary, it
makes it even easier because since there are no expenses involved in transportation or
the production process, our prices are the most competitive."
"And our clients don't mind?"
"Of course not. They don't really need tools anyway."
"Then why would they want to buy any?"
"First, because the purchase is tax-deductible, and second, because they don't
spend real money on it. All they do is give us the right to operate with money they
don't really have. We use that money for two purposes: Taxes and charity."
"But what's the point?," the Coordinator--now a president of the board of
directors of the new corporation--asked.
"The point is keeping a good record on paper. If we keep up the pace, about
seventy billion scrod will go through the corporation each year. Twenty per cent will
be taxed, fifty percent is reinvested in our tool-factory, and thirty percent is
charity, which is tax-deductible. Which means that we will get thirty percent of the
twenty percent we have paid in taxes at the end of the year from the government. That
is six percent of our gross spending, or four point two billion scrod real profit for
the corporation."
"We will see," the Coordinator said dubiously. What he saw on March 10th was
that he and the other fifty stockholders had suddenly become millionaires. And the
most intriguing fact was that although he never saw any of his money, the Chief
Coordinator actually spent a part of his share on a REAL house and a yacht.
The Money Man kept flirting with the secretary throughout the year and
occasionally sent telegrams. He invested scrod in hotels that nobody even intended to
build and he started the corporation in the real estate business. He built and sold
houses on the moon, he built shoe factories in Southern Delarq, and he constructed a
tunnel to Sheila Greywand's boudoir through the center of Gaia. He bought all the
socks in the world and re-sold them to the Andorian government for an enormous profit.
He invested a hundred thousand scrod in the education of each Andorian student and
founded a powerful scholarship organization. On Snotlings for Peace's behalf he
donated a million scrod of tax-deductible scrod to every single homeless person in the
world. The Money Man was especially proud of that investment because its great
advantage was that the homeless never saw any of that money, so they remained homeless
until the next year, when the Money Man would donate another tax-deductible million to
each one of them. He himself lived in luxury and spent a significant part of his time
flirting with the secretary.
Soon the corporation became by far the most powerful business organization ever
to exist. The name of Snotlings for Peace did much to incite snotlingesque and
pacifist feelings all around the Gaia, and especially in Aradi. Its positive role in
the consolidation and emancipation of snotlings couldn't be overvalued and its members
were proclaimed "snotlings honoris causa" by the National Snotling's Organization as a
sign of gratitude for their active involvement in boosting the prestige of snotling
all around the world. Thanks to new social ideas of species equality the corporation
stimulated, for the first time in history snotling organizations started playing a
significant role in society and politics. One of the first triumphs of the new
movement was the passing of a new revolutionary bill on snotling rights by the
Andorian Congress.
The Money Man became the first victim of the bill when the secretary, who was a
snotling, sued him for sexual harassment on the grounds of the new law.He was
sentenced to life in prison.
The Snotlings for Peace Corporation was beheaded. Gigantic as it was, it started
rolling downhill picking up incredible momentum. The Chief Coordinator and President
of the Board of Directors initially tried to take the position of his brilliant
predecessor, but things didn't seem to go well. He lacked vision. When he saw that
fifty percent of the scrod that the company operated were reinvested in a tool factory
that didn't exist, he decided to shut down the factory and spend the scrod on charity,
which was the only source of real income for the company. That officially ended the
profitable production of garden tools and the river of scrod circulating though the
company suddenly dried up. In just two years, this crucial mistake caused the
Alastarian economy to enter a depression and the Coordinator ended up selling his own
house and yacht to pay debts.
Then Snotling for Peace returned to its old and more secure policies of moderate
charity work and support of the government's war policies.
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Tilt Review... ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Anti sat back in his leather chair and studied the stack of papers before him.
It was quarterly review time, as the assets were short currently. Anti had requested
an honest appraisal from all his employees as to the condition of his various
investments.
To the left was a stack of accounting sheets for his UD Industrials stores. With
the dying down in participation in some arenas, he was afraid he might have to shut a
store or two down. Unfortunate, but probably necessary.
On the far right lay a stack of fighter profiles, all written and stamped by his
main assistant Elias Elderlye. He had actually gone to every arena Anti had a team in
and reviewed the status, condition and estimated expectations of each warrior employed
under the Anti banner. Not as many as say Soultaker or Manager, but a decent amount
none the less.
And in the center was the Aradi pile. The pile Anti had been avoiding reading
all afternoon. As an actual member of management, and currently a contestant in the
TOGS, Anti had requested a thorough review of the Tilt?!? stable, his thoughts on the
gladiators and on his chances in the tournament.
To everyone's surprise the Squidfella had actually complied. Weird.
With a sigh Anti decided he'd put it off long enough and picked up the sheets
with SB's reviews of the warriors....
Pin Bot -- What a stiff...this guy makes Manager look like he's hocked up on
goofballs! The other day I asked him to join me on a trip over to Crow's to plot our
next turn, and he said he had planned to stay home and organize his dress socks! He
needs to get his butt in gear and graduate already so I can get someone in with a
PULSE! Hyuck!!
Fun House -- OK, I'm gonna have to talk to you about this guy. Decent fighter,
seems to learn well. He should, since he never leaves the house. And why doesn't he
leave the house? CUZ HE'S A FREAKIN PSYCHOPATH, THAT'S WHY!! We let him out to fight
then it's pile the furniture against the door time! Thanks soooooooo much boss,
remind me to thank you...several times. With that garden weasel you gave me for my
birthday. Grrrrr....
Monster Bash -- He bashes monsters. Yes he does. And do you know what else he
does? No? Neither do I. Neither does anyone else...BECAUSE THATS ALL HE EVER TALKS
ABOUT! Monster this monster that, you'd think he was Death Stud pining away for
Nuln!! I have to tell him his mashed potatoes are monster brains before he'll eat
them. And YOU should try getting a guy who thinks monsters are everywhere to sleep in
his own room. Really. Hyuck.
Mousin' Around -- Continuing our tour of the slight of mind is our friendly
neighborhood mouse. Yeah, he thinks he's a mouse. Where do you find these guys you
keep sending me?! Is there a big nutball outlet store I'm not aware of?! I've never
seen any of the managers in Legion 5 1/3 having to take their warriors to the arena in
a PET CARRIER!! Argh!
Earthshaker -- Decent fella, a little cocky but ok. Wonder what's REALLY wrong
with him, can't be you sent me a normal guy. Probably thinks he's the god of
earthquakes or something....
Anti put the pages down and rubbed his temples to ease the headache. Next in the
pile was a review of the other managers in the TOGS, and that was sure to be a nice
long trip into stupidville.
With a small whimper Anti got to reading....
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Grand Tourney Finale ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Lerch somehow survived the night and it turned out not nearly as badly as he had
feared.... In the end, he wasn't the only one with bruises...but not where anyone
would see them. He awoke the next morning, battered yet refreshed and remembered the
fact that there was still a tourney going. LL was still too tired to get up and check
out the results from the last round of fights the previous evening. Apparently the
"activities" of the evening had tired her out, so Lerch, the dutiful suitor, was going
to investigate and report back his findings. Turned out that Lady Lerch hadn't missed
much, as her final warrior had been eliminated. Lerch was sure that he wasn't going
to hear the end of it, for dragging her out to the tourney and getting her involved.
But, as he stood there with a smile on his face, she did enjoy herself somewhat this
weekend, he had the bruises to prove it (and she had a new tattoo).
After figuring out that his lady love's warrior had been eliminated he discovered
(to his dismay) that the accountant was still around and taking shots. He had been
(futilely) hoping that he would meet an untimely demise. Actually he had five
warriors still in the running, more than any other tourney he had participated in
personally. But in the end it was anti-climatic. The Accountant TV'd (he was heard
saying some such as: "MATH IS POWER" leaving the field, really annoying stuff) as
well another warrior from Malcorn. He was happy with his teams' performance, even
after he noticed the glum faces of his alliance mates.
"Man I'm sure my team's could have done better if I'd been able to spend some
time here," Dest complained, "I had to spend almost the entire time at a wedding and
the reception stuff."
"Was it your wedding?" Lerch asked (and then ducked).
"Ha ha. I noticed that you looked around a bit before you said that..." Dest
parried.
"Yeah, you're right.... Have you seen where she is? I need to collect my
equipment and stash it before she finds it all. Cover for me...please?" The puppy
dog look wasn't working, but Lerch hoped they would cover for him for a little bit.
Moments after he had left, Lady Lerch and Prof Y appeared in the meeting room.
Both were looking resplendent in the low backed toga's with the matching dragons
apparently fighting each other as the walked past the alliance's table.
"Have you seen Lerch?" the female managers said in stereo.
It took a moment to notice, then Lady Lerch said "Nice hat R, must have been a
really big rabbit to fit your head. Anyway, has anyone seen Lerch?"
"He said, " RR began, "that he had some more pictures to take, and that he was
looking for Ivy, don't know why."
The two women looked at each other. "Apparently his beating last night wasn't
enough," Lady Lerch stated coldly, "let's find our spatulas and give him what for all
the way home." She paused. "Actually on second thought, we better not, knowing him,
he'd enjoy it too much." But even as she said it, they had acquired various
"implements of unmistakable use" and stomped out...the dragons on the back appearing
even more agitated. "He's gonna get it...and not the way he likes."
Later that day, the alliance mates had run into each other again, as they all
were preparing to leave. Lerch looked as if he had been dropped into a bobcat cage
sans clothing. Every part of his body (that was showing) had scratch marks, minor
cuts and abrasions. But for all the damage, he appeared cheerful.
"They wanted to be feisty," he said with a grin, "It looks worse than it feels,
but I'll probably not ride horseback for a while."
"They?"
"Yeah, well you know...but soon after that...they got disinterested in me and I
got a neat show...but that's another story."
Author's note: Due to the subject matter, I'm not able to go into as much detail
as I'd like to. <g> So, if you want really racy material...find some brown paper
wrapped magazines and go at it.... Otherwise let your imagination go and pretend
you're me...well maybe not that...but you know what I mean.
Lerch
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ A Rude Awakening ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
By Angmar the Vet
It's Hallow's Eve and the moon is almost in alignment. When the moon is full,
and directly overhead, the ritual will begin. At the stroke of midnight the Master
Magus lifts his knife above the sacrifice tied to the unholy alter. Her screams
pierce the night, filled with terror. She watches as Magnus plunges the knife through
her heart. Her blood is caught in a silver bowl as it runs down the sides of the
alter.
The fire in the brazier grows higher as the blood is added. The other Brothers
of the Foul begin to chant. The Master Magus starts casting his spell to summon a
demon lord. As the chanting grows louder, the Master Magus is shouting at the sky,
forcing his willpower into the summons. As expected, the fire grows higher and
higher, hotter and hotter. Inside the flames something is starting to form.
It grows larger, taking on a shape that looks almost human, yet not. A face
appears, a horrid, ugly, dog face. Horns are growing out of the head that is forming
in the flames, growing a neck, body, arms, legs and bat-like wings to go with it. At
the end of the hands, long fingers begin to form claws. It is almost whole. It is
almost alive.
The Brothers of the Foul are backing away, not taking their eyes off what is
coming to life right before them. The Master Magus stands there defiantly, conquering
his fear of this beast of Chaos incarnate. There is no backing down now. If he
falters, or utters a misplaced word, all of his dreamed up powers will come crashing
down on him. He wills his spirit into the final words of the spell. "Oh Great Demon
of Chaos, I command you to heed my summons! You will obey me! I am your Master!"
A hollow, mocking, evil laugh comes from a throat that was not meant for such a
sound. The flames extinguish with a hiss. The demon stands ten feet tall, towering
over the Magus. It stares down at the puny human that summoned it from a burning
hell. "I Have No Master," it rumbles around teeth sharp as daggers. Reaching down
with long arms it grabs the Magus in a death grip. The screams of terror from the
Magus are louder and more spine-chilling than those of the sacrifice. Opening its
large mouth, it bites the head off of Master Magus. The sight of their Master being
eaten is enough for the Brothers of the Foul to start a panic. Running for their
lives, they give no thought to the massive Evil they brought to this world.
Stomping after the fleeing humans, the demon grabs another to feed its growing
hunger. They cannot run fast enough to get away from it. With every life swallowed
by the demon, it grows larger. Now it stands over twenty feet tall. Its legs are so
long it catches more Brothers with every step. Soon, all but two are captured and
eaten. One of them turns to look at the demon, and wishes he had not. Then there was
only one.
The demon's hollow laughter follows the lone Brother. He runs blindly, crashing
through thorn bushes, scrambling around trees. In the moonlight he does not see the
large shape above him. Swooping out of the sky, the demon lands on the human, driving
him to the ground. His death cries are cut off as the demon's claws pierce his body.
Eating the last Brother of the Foul was not enough to sate the demon's hunger.
It craves more humans, more lives, to satisfy his need to feed. It flies away in
search of more prey.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
+ ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ The Crazy Creeps ]H[ + ---:--- + ]H[ +
Nancy Drew wandered into the armory in search of clues. Accompanying her was
Elmer Gantry who either felt protective of her or was interested in that which was
confined by the pretty yellow summer dress she wore. She reached up to examine the
battle axe, having to extend up on her tippy-toes, exhibiting a rather significant
portion of the back of her lovely legs. Elmer was heard to gasp, "Great God in
heaven!"
Nancy yelped surprisedly, "You see it too! You are so observant, Mr. Gantry."
Gantry, a little red-faced, was also confused, so all he could do was stutter. "Yes,"
she continued, "it is rather exciting and revealing, isn't it? Let's collect these
cards and see what they say."
"Um, yes, of course," answered the preacher man. So he helped her collect each
of the index cards which were posted next to the weapons.
They stacked them and began examining them. Elmer was quite confused, wondering
why there would be cards next to each weapon which listed the weapon name and the name
of a person from Aradi.
"Hmm," said Nancy. Gantry read three different cards, not at all understanding:
Card 1: Warflail--The Creepster
Card 2: Halberd--Doc Steele
Card 3: Broadsword--Ivy
"Eureka!" shouted Nancy. "I see what someone has done! But I wonder why? Could
this be a clue into the death of Little Bo Peep?"
Elmer Gantry asked Nancy for the encoding, and these were the notes she listed;
1: Warflail--The Creepster (craziest weapon)
2: Halberd--Doc Steele (big, intimidating)
3: Broadsword--Ivy (uh, well, female)
4: Dagger--Death Stud (smallest weapon)
5: Mace--Squidboy (big fat weapon)
6: Great Axe--Judge (like a guillotine)
7: Scimitar--Johnny Dangerously (the most dangerous weapon)
8: Epee--Scribe (thin, like a pencil)
9: Maul--Bigguy (big, big weapon)
10: Shortword--Laura Rrostarr (fits in her purse)
11: Medium Shield--Manager (obvious, isn't it)
12: Hatchet--Soultaker (a common haircut tool)
13: Morningstar--Nuln (even crazier than the whiffle)
14: Shortspear--Swifty McSwift (very fast weapon)
15: Quarterstaff--Little Bo Peep (sheepherder weapon)
"Don't you see, Mr. Gantry? The weapons are coded to match the manager EXCEPT
for two.... The Scribe epee and the Little Bo Peep quarterstaff. There's something
here in this clue," stated Nancy. The room grew quiet while they both were in
thought.
"Perhaps we should pray for guidance, Miss Drew," offered Elmer Gantry. So they
both got down on their knees to pray in quiet. (Elmer occasionally glanced down her
very full blouse.)
Seconds later, the door flew open and Poet came bursting in. "They've found a
clue, Nancy! And it's not blue! The poisoned arrow was made from an antique epee!"
Elmer and Nancy looked at each other and said at once, "Our prayers have been
answered."
DUELMASTER'S COLUMN
Notes from the arena champ.
All;
Laura Rrostarr; parry lunger, 11(+1)14(+1)-4-17-21-4-13, normal damage, Low/High,
epee, luck, +2 to Attack, +3 Parry and Defense. Thanks, Soultaker.
Laura Rrostarr
SPY REPORT
It's me, The Unknown Spymaster here with my bag to give you the news on last
week's fights. Say good-bye to EASTERN HORDE, as they are pushed from the coveted
top team spot by the CHOC-O-HOLIC stable. Take a look at EYE OF THE NEEDLE's act, as
they have a 4-1-0 week and gain 11 places in the team ranking. Rising in the ranks
like a loaf of armored bread (okay, I admit it's corny) is WIMPS OF DEATH, who swept
up 14 places in the ranks. Take a look at NATURAL DISASTERS' act, as they have a
3-2-0 week and gain 20 places in the team ranking. Rising in the ranks like a loaf
of armored bread (okay, I admit it's corny) is MAGICK, who swept up 11 places in the
ranks. Take a look at DELIVERY BOYS' act, as they have a 1-4-0 week and gain 11
places in the team ranking. Rising in the ranks like a loaf of armored bread (okay,
I admit it's corny) is INGRATE WHITE NORTH, who swept up 13 places in the ranks.
Suffering under a 2-3-0 record and dropping from 9th to 21st place were the ARADI
WANNABEE'S. Keep trying! A seasoned team is steady in the lists. But to NIGHT
SPOTS, which fell to 22nd, it's what you soak in before going to the Dark Arena.
Take a look at CRAZY CREEPS' act, as they have a 4-1-0 week and gain 12 places in the
team ranking. What goes up, must come down. Watch out ARADI! DEEP 13 may fall on
you as it crushes past the teams below it to fall on the 29th spot. UNDERDOGS is no
joke as it posted a 4-1-0 week advancing from 27th place to 20th place. Hey
everybody, watch out for FLITWORTH, who flew up 21 points in the rankings after
mashing MARK'S MESSY, EH like a melon. Keep your eye on this guy. Ya know, some
days it doesn't pay to walk out on the sands. KNUCKLEDRAGGER was beat by MR.
SOPHISTICATED and drops 14 points. GRAVEMOLD got through to the Duelmaster this
turn. No doubt he was more than anxious to kick MICHELLE RROSTARR's tail out of the
throne! Our battling duelmaster MICHELLE RROSTARR has managed to hold the title,
fending off GRAVEMOLD's none too subtle advances. Better luck next time, WILD CARDS.
Advice to bashers--never force anything, just get a bigger halberd!
Let's dig a little deeper into what's happening in the ARADI arena. Did you
hear that SUPERIOR FORCES II was most avoided team this week? Well, knowing the
personal hygiene of SUPERIOR FORCES II's warriors, I'm not surprised! For those of
you who like math, try this one: SUPERIOR FORCES II + Weapons That go Boom = SPAM +
Avoid City. Well just about everybody wants a piece of QUAM SNIPER, who was this
week's most challenged warrior. In a mismatch, our friend FALISHA RROSTARR of HOUSE
RROSTARR got heroic notions and challenged GYROSPAZ. What did it get her? A 8-5-0
record, that's what. A Carrion Bird Sellout: FALISHA RROSTARR 8-5-0 fights GYROSPAZ
17-12-0. (BYOB) Was it guts or an overtaxed mental capacity that had BAYUSHI ARAMORO
challenge up 27 points in the rankings to take on HENRIETTA? Some advice to BAYUSHI
ARAMORO. Please don't challenge up 27 points to fight a 13-8-0 fighter like, say
HENRIETTA. (Okay, so it may be a little late). Getting lots of flowers from
sympathetic fans was THE LUMBERJACK, who was successfully challenged by CRYBABY
BEANHEAD who had a mere 20 points more than THE LUMBERJACK. Definition of petty:
CRYBABY BEANHEAD bested THE LUMBERJACK, a mismatch of 20 points.
Remember that an arena is not always a safe place to be, but it is one of the
most interesting, though! MEGALON says to his dog--'Who should I fight this week?'.
Dog says 'STONE GOLEM'. So the guy dies. Moral? Put lying dogs to sleep. This
week 9-16-0 ELECTRIX was sent to the Dark Arena. I know a lot of fighters with
similar records who might take notice of this. Big deal, so EDIA BLACKWOLF got
mashed in the Dark Arena. With hers face she was more at home with the trolls than
with us. (Waka waka). In the 'Oops, What Have I Done?' category, LISA SINCLAIR was
mashed by I AM I, who let LISA SINCLAIR know that killing members of METAL MELTDOWN
is a no-no. Congrats to DOMINATRIX for revenging the death of hers teammate (but
more importantly, feeding BEING PONYTAILED a bit of dirt). Ask not the elves for
counsel, for they will say both yes and no. Silly buggers, eh?
Well, there's the manager of the ARADI giving me the 'cut' sign (or is that
'They're going to strangle you in the alley?). Well, there goes another Spy Report.
Good luck in next week's fights. Hasta la bye-bye. (Loud choruses of 'Beat it, ya
bum!')-- The Unknown Spymaster
DUELMASTER W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
MICHELLE RROSTARR 4369 16 3 1 161 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
CRYBABY BEANHEAD 3918 15 6 0 122 4000 BLOWS (107)
RAMIREZ DEPIETRO 4130 18 17 0 112 MAGICK (234)
HOOT 4441 14 9 3 111 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
ONE SHOT WONDER 3311 13 36 1 108 JOKA MASHER! (283)
BERRYWACK 4595 11 7 1 107 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
I AM I 4243 19 12 1 106 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
-DRUSILLA 4211 13 14 0 104 SUNNYDALE (333)
-LIGHTNING IX 4866 7 4 1 101 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
PEPE LE FUNK 4570 11 10 0 99 EASTERN HORDE (372)
PEANUT 1396 18 12 0 98 WILD CARDS (148)
CHALLENGER CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
HENRIETTA 4627 13 8 0 94 UNDERDOGS (5)
GYROSPAZ 4436 17 12 0 92 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
GRAVEMOLD 4568 17 7 0 92 WILD CARDS (148)
CHAMPIONS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-HEADACHE 3300 14 20 0 88 JOKA MASHER! (283)
BULLROARER TOOK 4376 17 10 0 87 FOR THE SHIRE (358)
THE LUMBERJACK 4491 13 12 3 87 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
-SERRA ANGEL 2584 12 15 1 87 MAGICK (234)
LISA SINCLAIR 4572 12 9 1 86 EASTERN HORDE (372)
-PIN BOT 2304 17 11 0 84 TILT?!? (216)
BEN 4392 14 12 1 84 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
COMMANDO CODY 4501 13 7 0 83 DEEP 13 (369)
-SPIKE 4191 11 16 0 82 SUNNYDALE (333)
TRAVIS 4394 16 10 0 76 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
METEOR SHOWER 4563 13 9 0 76 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
BEERJA VU 4294 8 7 0 75 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (348)
NUVEENA 4503 11 9 0 73 DEEP 13 (369)
JULIA 4651 9 8 0 73 ROMPER ROOM (377)
WEREWOLF 4505 11 9 0 72 DEEP 13 (369)
TOM STEWART 4502 12 8 2 70 DEEP 13 (369)
CHALLENGER ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
GERONTIUS TOOK 4861 8 3 0 66 FOR THE SHIRE (358)
LITTLE BIG BOX 4965 7 1 2 66 BOXES (408)
WINNING WAYS 4826 9 3 0 65 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282)
THE BARONESS 4573 11 10 0 63 EASTERN HORDE (372)
DERVECT 5100 3 0 0 61 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
FALISHA RROSTARR 4558 8 5 0 60 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
BAYUSHI ARAMORO 5097 2 1 0 60 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
UKTABI EFREET 4621 9 5 1 59 MAGICK (234)
T.O.G.S. MONSTER 4932 5 4 2 58 EASTERN HORDE (372)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
AOIFE BLACKWOLF 4674 9 6 1 55 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380)
DOMINATRIX 3860 13 6 0 54 GAULS II! (280)
MR. SOPHISTICATED 4886 7 3 0 54 4000 BLOWS (107)
THE LOVE TRAIN 4918 9 0 0 53 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
WAYNE GRETZK, EH 4293 8 9 0 53 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (348)
SNUFFLES 4761 10 7 1 52 ROMPER ROOM (377)
DRAZIN AXEGRIND 3806 6 2 0 52 JESSIE'S SPIES (312)
ATOG 4970 5 0 0 52 MAGICK (234)
SOFT FOOT 4736 7 8 2 51 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
50 SUCKS 4129 7 8 0 51 JOKA MASHER! (283)
AODH BLACKWOLF 4671 9 7 0 48 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380)
SURFING FOR SMUT 4749 8 1 0 48 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391)
-ZILLA 4729 7 4 2 48 SAAB STORY (389)
NEO 4909 6 2 0 48 THE MATRIX (401)
FLITWORTH 4865 8 4 1 47 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-RING A DING 4727 7 4 0 47 SAAB STORY (389)
BEING LEWINSKIED 4750 4 5 1 47 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391)
AVIENDHA 4721 9 8 0 46 FA CHING (388)
DEAD SKIN MASK 4951 6 1 1 46 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
-CORDELIA 4590 6 7 0 46 SUNNYDALE (333)
MARK'S MESSY, EH 4453 9 8 0 45 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (348)
BEERVAHNA 4292 7 9 1 45 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (348)
BEING PONYTAILED 4746 6 6 1 45 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391)
SYLVIA RROSTARR 4744 6 8 0 45 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
-SHOGAN 4927 4 3 1 45 THE DREADED FEW II (404)
UNZIPPED 4747 4 5 0 43 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391)
-SHIWA SUKIDES 3493 8 9 0 42 PHOENIX-STAR (291)
BODO PROUDFFOOT 4863 7 4 0 42 FOR THE SHIRE (358)
LIPSTICKS 4895 4 6 1 41 NIGHT SPOTS (400)
ADEPTS W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
CHRYSTAL RAIN 4806 7 5 0 40 ROMPER ROOM (377)
ELMER GANTRY 4842 5 1 0 40 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
KNUCKLEDRAGGER 4843 8 5 0 39 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
WAR BADGER 4836 6 6 0 39 APACHU DEL DINEH (398)
DEATH BOAR 4838 9 3 0 36 APACHU DEL DINEH (398)
-MEGADETH XCVII 4971 5 2 0 36 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
AIRTIGHT ANNIE 5078 4 1 1 36 WILD CARDS (148)
-FUN HOUSE 4779 7 6 0 35 TILT?!? (216)
THE SCROD GODDESS 4825 4 5 0 35 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282)
-WILLOW 4586 6 7 1 34 SUNNYDALE (333)
CHALLENGER INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
DEMONSWEATLIVE 1893 5 6 1 33 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124)
RUE SWIFTSWORD 3804 5 4 0 33 JESSIE'S SPIES (312)
QUAM SNIPER 4899 4 5 0 33 EASTERN HORDE (372)
PARRY HATER 4582 4 2 0 33 ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373)
-SAMWISE THE STRONG 4898 3 3 0 33 FOR THE SHIRE (358)
POET 4868 7 4 0 32 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
WINDOW CLERK 4936 6 3 0 32 DELIVERY BOYS (405)
DREAMIN' LIZARD 4901 5 4 1 32 APACHU DEL DINEH (398)
KAYLA RROSTARR 4798 5 5 0 32 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
WAYNE 4828 4 1 0 32 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
-DARK BUDDHA 4929 3 4 0 32 THE DREADED FEW II (404)
ALIEN NATION 5017 4 2 1 31 THE MOTHERSHIP 3 (411)
DANGER BOX 4963 4 2 0 31 BOXES (408)
WUSS 4885 5 6 0 30 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
-ON-THE-ROOF 4857 5 2 0 30 SAAB STORY (389)
LETTER CARRIER 4934 4 5 1 29 DELIVERY BOYS (405)
-ELIXER 4926 3 4 0 28 THE DREADED FEW II (404)
MONKEY MOUSE 5080 3 1 1 27 FIVE ANGRY MEN (406)
BUTKUS 5051 3 2 1 27 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-BIG BAD JIM 3712 1 4 0 27 PI RHO'S (303)
-MOUSIN' AROUND 4952 4 3 1 26 TILT?!? (216)
ANOTHER WINNER 5086 4 0 0 26 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282)
GHASHER 3813 3 4 0 26 JESSIE'S SPIES (312)
LADIES DIN 4947 2 5 0 26 FIVE ANGRY MEN (406)
CHEESIS K. REIST 5094 2 2 0 26 4000 BLOWS (107)
SALTY 5053 2 0 0 26 SPAM (414)
FANG 4817 6 6 1 25 DAWGS OF WAR (397)
TEZA WILDSHEILD 3803 5 4 0 25 JESSIE'S SPIES (312)
LOOP MAIL 4935 6 3 0 24 DELIVERY BOYS (405)
FREE BOX 4964 4 2 1 24 BOXES (408)
TEMPEST 5106 3 0 0 24 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-ROSA WHERE 4957 3 1 0 24 EASTON VIPERS (407)
-VIRGIL 3710 2 0 0 24 PI RHO'S (303)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
JIM CARE, EH 4607 4 6 0 23 INGRATE WHITE NORTH (348)
-TWO CARTON 4584 4 1 0 23 ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373)
-EILRIC MASON 5064 3 0 0 23 THE WHITE THUNDER (416)
DWAYNE 4882 4 6 0 22 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
-FAITH 4955 3 3 0 22 SUNNYDALE (333)
REISEN 5044 3 0 0 22 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
SLIMEY 5052 2 0 0 22 SPAM (414)
-MONSTER BASH 4802 4 5 0 21 TILT?!? (216)
-THE IRON YUPPIE 1920 4 1 0 21 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124)
THROG BLACKWOLF 4940 3 6 0 21 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380)
BAKA - DO 5101 2 1 0 21 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
PRYMM 4878 5 5 0 20 FA CHING (388)
INDECENTLY XPOSED 4977 5 3 0 20 WITHOUT PERMISSION (391)
PAULINE 4997 4 3 0 20 UNDERDOGS (5)
BLACKBURST 5025 3 2 0 20 FA CHING (388)
-MONTE CARLO 4856 3 3 0 20 SAAB STORY (389)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-DEATH XXXII 4943 3 5 0 20 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
SHANE KING THE GOAT 5132 1 1 0 20 4000 BLOWS (107)
-SUBJUGATOR 1919 2 3 0 19 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124)
KIA WARHAMMER 3863 2 4 0 18 JESSIE'S SPIES (312)
BLOOD BANK 5127 1 1 0 18 EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
LOVELY LADY 5140 1 0 0 18 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282)
FAT JACKS 5074 3 2 0 17 NIGHT SPOTS (400)
HERMAN 5141 1 0 0 17 UNDERDOGS (5)
SWITCH 5039 4 1 0 16 THE MATRIX (401)
HUGS 5045 3 0 0 16 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
-GRANTURISMO 4821 2 2 0 16 SAAB STORY (389)
SHIBAKA - DO 5099 2 1 0 16 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
TEAM 3 RULES TOGS 4998 4 3 0 15 SUPERIOR FORCES II (282)
JACK MEHOFF 5034 4 2 0 15 WILD CARDS (148)
CU'AOIFE II 5109 3 0 0 15 CLAN BLACKWOLF (380)
HOOTERS 4988 3 5 0 14 NIGHT SPOTS (400)
-MASHER 4553 2 5 1 14 JOKA MASHER! (283)
M&MS 5046 2 1 0 14 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
-REGIONALD LOVISI 5066 2 1 0 14 THE WHITE THUNDER (416)
MICHELLE 5085 2 2 0 14 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
-SOLSTICE SLBANE 5067 2 1 0 14 THE WHITE THUNDER (416)
HENDRICK 5022 3 3 0 13 UNDERDOGS (5)
-PUFFIN PADDY 4773 2 3 0 13 ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373)
-DRIFTER 1918 1 4 0 13 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124)
HAILSTORM 5103 1 2 0 13 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
ANGRY BOX 4961 2 6 0 12 BOXES (408)
TRINITY 4908 2 6 0 12 THE MATRIX (401)
PINK 5055 1 1 0 12 SPAM (414)
-ROSWELL 5118 1 0 0 12 THE MOTHERSHIP 3 (411)
-SAGX 4956 3 2 0 11 EASTON VIPERS (407)
FRANZ 5021 2 4 1 11 UNDERDOGS (5)
PERSIAN BOLD 4949 1 6 0 11 FIVE ANGRY MEN (406)
-RED DAWG 4974 2 4 0 10 DAWGS OF WAR (397)
GODIVA 5043 1 2 0 10 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
SNORIN PILL 4824 1 1 0 10 ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373)
DUBBS PUB 5076 2 3 0 9 NIGHT SPOTS (400)
KISSES 5047 2 1 0 9 CHOC-O-HOLIC (413)
HERNIA 4986 1 6 0 9 GAULS II! (280)
FABULOUS GUY 4946 1 6 0 9 FIVE ANGRY MEN (406)
CYPHER 5079 2 2 0 8 THE MATRIX (401)
THUNDRA 5122 1 0 0 8 FA CHING (388)
NANCY DREW 5102 1 2 0 8 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
-MINERVA 5065 2 1 0 7 THE WHITE THUNDER (416)
LAVA FLOW 5105 2 1 0 7 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
-KODIAK 4958 1 3 1 7 EASTON VIPERS (407)
TANK 5038 1 4 0 7 THE MATRIX (401)
INDIAN ROCKET 4950 0 7 0 7 FIVE ANGRY MEN (406)
SEET CHEEKS 5095 1 3 0 6 4000 BLOWS (107)
LONE WOLF 5108 1 1 0 6 APACHU DEL DINEH (398)
-DIRK CRETEN 5068 1 2 0 6 THE WHITE THUNDER (416)
-EARTHSHAKER 5057 1 2 0 5 TILT?!? (216)
MUDSLIDE 5104 1 2 0 5 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
TWISTED TIGER 5107 1 1 0 4 APACHU DEL DINEH (398)
NITNOID 5130 1 1 0 4 WIMPS OF DEATH (66)
ODD EXPERIMENT 5125 1 1 0 4 DELIVERY BOYS (405)
-BLITZKRIEG 5131 1 0 0 3 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
-TORNADO CXCVI 5111 0 2 0 2 DEATH STUDS VII (301)
JASMINE BOREAL 5129 0 2 0 2 MAGICK (234)
-THRALL 1991 0 2 0 2 SLAUGHT-O-RAMA (124)
THE GEL 5054 0 2 0 2 SPAM (414)
JEREZU EISAI 5128 0 2 0 2 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
-KHOLARI 4959 0 2 0 2 EASTON VIPERS (407)
-PLEASURE PIG 4960 0 1 0 1 EASTON VIPERS (407)
INITIATES W L K POINTS TEAM NAME
-NEW TANG 4860 0 1 0 1 ORCS FROM THE HOOD (373)
PORK? 5139 0 1 0 1 SPAM (414)
MRS. ROBINSON 5146 0 1 0 1 CRAZY CREEPS (207)
EDIFIX 5147 0 1 0 1 GAULS II! (280)
-ROAD DAWG 5117 0 1 0 1 DAWGS OF WAR (397)
WAGSALOT 5133 0 1 0 1 DAWGS OF WAR (397)
BURNIN' BRIDGES 5148 0 1 0 1 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
DIANIA RROSTARR 5142 0 1 0 1 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
'-' denotes a warrior who did not fight this turn.
THE DEAD W L K TEAM NAME SLAIN BY TURN Revenge?
BARON BUNCHOSWEN 4953 4 1 0 4000 BLOWS 107 FLITWORTH 4865 214 REVENGED
TOM O'GRADYSHANE 5041 0 1 0 4000 BLOWS 107 FREE BOX 4964 214 NOT REVE
EDIA BLACKWOLF 4808 3 9 1 CLAN BLACKWOLF 380 GARGOYLE PRINCE 25 218 NONE
KURN BLACKWOLF 4903 2 4 0 CLAN BLACKWOLF 380 LITTLE BIG BOX 4965 215
LITTLE BO PEEP 4841 2 1 0 CRAZY CREEPS 207 ALIEN NATION 5017 215
DANCES WITH WOLV 5037 0 1 0 DAWGS OF WAR 397 PIT BULL 5061 215
MAN'S BEST FRIEN 5092 0 1 0 DAWGS OF WAR 397 FRANZ 5021 216 REVENGED
LERCH'S MOMMY 5058 1 1 0 DEATH STUDS VII 301 T.O.G.S. MONSTER 4932 215
MEGALON 4993 5 3 0 DEEP 13 369 STONE GOLEM 26 218 NONE
SMALL PACKAGE 4973 3 5 0 DELIVERY BOYS 405 DREAMIN' LIZARD 4901 218
MASHIN RONIN 4928 3 4 0 THE DREADED FEW I 404 MONKEY MOUSE 5080 217
DRUNKEN MONK 5000 0 6 0 FA CHING 388 DARK CHAMPION 24 218 NONE
SMILES 4945 4 2 0 FA CHING 388 ZILLA 4729 216
ELECTRIX 3410 9 16 0 GAULS II! 280 SPYMASTER 22 218 NONE
PRALIX 4987 3 4 0 GAULS II! 280 STONE GOLEM 26 218 NONE
CATATONIA 4880 6 3 0 GAULS II! 280 BEING PONYTAILED 4746 217 JUST REV
MATCHSTICK 5120 0 1 0 LORDS OF LIGHT 410 DARK CHAMPION 24 218 NONE
RATTLESNAKE SHAK 4242 18 12 0 METAL MELTDOWN 344 LISA SINCLAIR 4572 217 JUST REV
BATTLE STAR 5016 0 1 0 THE MOTHERSHIP 3 411 DEAD SKIN MASK 4951 214 NOT REVE
RANCH BOWL 5096 1 3 0 NIGHT SPOTS 400 GARGOYLE PRINCE 25 218 NONE
SCANDALS 5075 0 1 0 NIGHT SPOTS 400 BUTKUS 5051 214 REVENGED
AT-ACK 3490 8 7 1 PHOENIX-STAR 291 I AM I 4243 214 NOT REVE
ACTION MAN 5145 0 1 0 ROMPER ROOM 377 SEA MONSTER 27 218 NONE
WIBBLEFEST 4338 12 10 0 SUPERIOR FORCES I 282 HOOT 4441 214 NOT REVE
LUNGBUTTER 5149 0 1 0 WILD CARDS 148 ARENAMASTER HARKON 23 218 NONE
PERSONAL ADS
Mousin' -- Sorry about that shot to the kidneys, hope you get well soon.... -- Window
Clerk
Blackburst -- Next time bring a real weapon. -- Loop Mail
Sesshou Mashin -- The S&M abbreviation fits your alliance so perfectly. -- Manager
Berrywack -- You putz! Doesn't your manager run Lungers? -- Winning Ways
Ladies Din -- I hate knockdowns! That was humiliating. -- Team 3 Rules TOGS
M&M's -- You're going on my manager's list of "people to get after the TOGS" for that!
-- Another Winner
Angmar -- This is clearly an Andorian arena. Most of the teams in this arena have
very low kill percentages. Unfortunately, we've let things get out of control for a
bit since most of the managers who would crack down on "un-Andorian" teams are busy in
the TOGs. -- Manager
P.S. With Inferno being this arena's strange exception of course.
Letter Carrier -- Have you ever thought of the fact that Pin Bot's manager was not
trying for the kill? Not everyone is as ruthless as Postmaster. -- Manager
Captain K -- Hey! Whatever turns you on. -- Manager
Lerch -- What could be worse? Well, maybe having to read a whole bunch of backwards
personals for a start! Just a thought. -- Manager
Nuln -- You just keep on believing that. -- Manager
Nuln -- You forget that Team 3 was the first team to have a cool name: "Andorians R
Us". It is you who is the copycat. -- Manager
Scryb Sprite -- Believe me, I noticed you beating down Hoot again! <applause> --
Manager
Nitnoid -- Ruff fight.... Good fight.... Rematch.... Me and you, wimp! -- Road Dawg
Franz -- Good dawg fight! I bought a potion of whoop-ass, just for you! -- Fang
War Badger -- I lost but got excellent skills. Thanks for nothin'! -- Red Dawg
All -- TOGS is everything I expected. I wish my record was as good. -- Angmar
Wimpy -- Did I read that you live in Virginia? So do I . Wytheville. -- Farmer boB
Soultaker -- Haven't heard from you in a couple turns, has the fear of the great
Boviphliacs team silenced you? -- Farmer boB
Laura Rrostarr -- Good seeing you. -- boB
Prymm -- I'm guessing that you're not giggling anymore either. You were almost #3,
perhaps it would be better for all if Fa Ching gave up their bloodfeud. -- Zilla
Beervahna -- I'm not as young or underskilled as you may think. <g> -- RAD
Window Clerk -- You're welcome. How about returning the favor? -- GT
Cypher -- You are also welcome, RR can't understand why we train others so well. -- MC
Lerch -- At least I got you out of your office. -- RR
Cheesis K. Reist -- Interesting min 1 tactic. Too bad my init is so high. <g> Try a
higher OE and AL next time. -- OTR
All -- Sorry for signing with initials this turn. -- Rascally Rabbit
All -- Be sure to read my spotlight next turn when I introduce my next character, a
tall dark and handsome paladin <g>, who will rescue IVY from the desolate streets of
Aradi <g>, where Lerch and friends have abandoned her to a life of.... -- RR
Atog -- You can only beat on a tin drum so much before you get tired of it! You have
to admit, there are definitely similarities between the two. -- DeGotti
Zilla -- Damn you...you freaking Giant!!!! -- DeGotti
Get out of here, Drunken Monk. Take yer 7 DFT and yer Hatchet to the DA. -- DeGotti
Angmar -- Guess it depends on your perception of what a high KD is. Personally, I
view anything below a 9 as low. (g) -- LongShadow
Being Lewinskied -- Perhaps it's because I'm such a poor learner myself. Can't teach
what I don't know. -- Aoife Blackwolf
Bodo Proudfoot -- PHEW!! <covers her nose> I don't smell anything you should be
overly proud of. -- Aoife Blackwolf
Wayne -- <sigh> You made LongShadow finally see my total lack of worth. Now I must
try to survive a Dark Arena battle. -- Edia
Dreaded Few -- Now you're the Dreaded Fewer. -- Monkey Mouse
Nuln -- Go read my spotlight. And let me reiterate that you should do a little
growing up. -- Bigguy
But we love Nuln just the way he is. Right? Right? Hmmm.... -- Ed.
Can I say something now? I am really angry about losing all of my fights and if I
don't start winning soon I'm going to commit suicide. Or maybe become an announcer.
Or maybe become the Governor of Aradi. Or maybe the next president. -- Indian "The
Body" Rocket
Willow -- I thought you had me there. Sorry about that last comment. Sometimes I get
a bit excited towards the end of a fight and say some pretty mean things. Good fight
anyway. -- Eilric Mason, TWT
Fun House -- Good fight. You hit hard. Maybe I'll try again some other time. Oh
well. I gotta go now. Bye. -- Dirk Creten, TWT
Michelle -- Sorry about bringing it at you so hard, but I'll do about anything for a
win. Keep up with the learns. -- Solstice Soulbane, TWT
Shane King the Goat -- Nice stage name. I just hope it isn't your real one too! I'm
glad I started hitting with some of those shots. You seemed to be dodging quite a bit
and I was getting a bit nervous. See you around. -- Reginald Lovisi, TWT
Blood Bank -- OUCH! Try not to do that to me again because it HURTS! -- Minerva, TWT
All -- As a new manager in this arena I would be greatly appreciative if someone would
tell me what this TOGS business is all about. Thanks. -- Gythar Thickhead, mgr. The
White Thunder
Why, it's the Tournament of the Golden Scrod! What more need I say? -- Ed. who
doesn't remember all the details anyhow
Captain K -- I thought that name sounded familiar. How have you been buddy? I sent
my Noblish team to Niatoli (33) and decided to start another. Most of the input I
received said that this was the biggest and baddest arena in the land, so I thought
I'd give it a go. I never expected to be doing so well, but I'm certainly not
complaining. Whatever happened to your first team (First Strike, right)? Anyway,
maybe I'll see you in some matchups. Anyway, take care. I'll diplo you at some
point. -- Gythar Thickhead, mgr. TWT
Road Dawg -- Hey, that was pretty neat for a first fight. Both our desperation
strategies worked. -- Nitnoid
Pauline -- Not a lucky matchup for you. Not for me either since I got no TOGS points
for the win. -- Flitworth
Soft Foot -- Are you sure it's not Soft Head rather than Soft Foot? -- Knuckledragger
Julia -- A nice matchup for me. I suggest that you get the lead out of your shoes/
step. -- Gyrospaz
Danger Box -- I need a faster weapon. -- Wuss
Crybaby -- Stop crying already. You beat me fair and square and lost to my teammate
the same way. Next time we meet I will have to shove a big sharp thing up where the
sun don't shine. -- Gyrospaz
All Togs Teams -- We of Team 4 note that you are dropping like flies. We admire your
code of honor: If you can't win, quit. We are not ready to declare victory...yet. We
will fight to the bitter end...yours. -- Wimpy (proud member of team 4)
Night Spots -- Hope you didn't take offense to the two challenges last turn.
Actually, I thought Lipsticks fought very well vs. Love Train, and I was sure for a
moment there that you had him. (Sigh) Yet another team he has to avoid. He needs
three or four places for avoids instead of the standard two!! -- D. Noble (mgr. Metal
Meltdown)
Lisa Sinclair -- You can count on me to do my best in avenging Rattlesnake's demise.
I will be your worst nightmare (I hope). -- I am I
My new warrior that has replaced Rattler will hopefully be around 'til the end of TOGS
(and hopefully not long after that!). -- D. Noble
Floyd -- Soon, this TOGS thing will be over, and when Talon/Volksie makes his
appearance, we can rule the arena as has been our master plan all along! And after
this arena, we take down Niytyole!! -- D. Noble (coordinator of the "League Arcane
Alastari Domination Tour 2000")
Hope to meet many of you in Tempe (or Scottsdale, or wherever) this Winter, and good
luck to everyone in the upcoming tourney! -- D. Noble
All -- Was I prophetic or what?! A 5-0 turn 216 and stating a humbling experience on
turn 217 with a 0-5. -- Johnny Dangerously
The Love Train -- I have a dance you may wish to see someday in the future. --
Lipsticks
Butkus -- Okay. Dat done gaught yoose another turn of woop Kune-dingi! -- Johnny
Dangerously.
Mr. Mojo -- That is one of the highest compliments you could pay our arena. I feel
the same way. -- Death Stud
Postmaster -- Indeed, a personal is a personal. I mean, some personals are more
personal personals than other personals, but personally I feel that a personal is
truly a personal. -- Death Stud
But on a personal note, other personals haven't got much personality. Just my
personal opinion. -- Ed.
TOGS Monster -- You were scared by me? Scared by the sight of my face, probably. --
Lerch's Mommy
Scryb Sprite -- I'd travel to the Isle with you, but this little pine box only has so
much room, you know? -- Slayer
LHI -- Manager and Ivy are ALL of our heroes. -- Death Stud
Rascally Rabbit -- I dunno. I'd say Aradi probably IS the land of the living when you
compare it to the rest of the arenas. -- Death Stud
Snotman and his stanky fellow Bessy lovers -- No, YOU boviphiliacs are actually the
ones who are known for suckage and it is the rest of us who rock in comparison to your
non-rocking selves. -- Death Stud (Whew, that was one mean lashing I gave you there,
but it was necessary. Trust me, that hurt you more than it hurt me.)
Darkside -- Let me tell you that ALL of Aradi is embarrassed by your lack of
production as well. Heck, just the other day, Lerch's mommy called me and she said,
"Hey, Stud, you big stud you, whassup with that Darkside loser and his no spotlight
writin' self? I can't believe you all let him hang out in Aradi with you." To which
I understandably replied, "Yeah." -- Death Stud
Bigguy -- Wait, are you a bigeth jerk, or a big sensitive dweebeth? Make up your
mindeth!!!! I hate big sensitive dweebs. They remind me of Death Stud. Of courseth,
he's a little sensitive dweeb. Heh. I made a short joke. Heh. -- Nuln, the
Insensitive FONZ Blood Lord
Flitworth -- If I want to beat you, all I have to do is walk over to your house and
beeyotch slap ya. Moo hoo ha ha ha. -- Mr. Sophistocated
Wimpy -- Yeah. Righteth. Sure. The fix is in. Come to gripseth with it man: Your
TOGS team BLOWSETH!!! Boviphiliacs has only been letting you hang around the top
maketh it seem minutely interesting. Quit being sucheth a wimpy whiner. -- Nuln
Captain K. -- I'm sorry, but I have been extremelyeth busy of late, and my kill
scheduleth is dreadfullyeth behind. In facteth, when I look at alleth the people I'm
overdue to killeth, it's a biteth daunting. But have no feareth, CK, if there's one
thingeth we're serious about here in Aradi, it's making sure we pop that "death in the
spotlight" cherry. -- Nuln
Inferno -- Hey, do you run anythingeth besides ST'seth? I mean, I could get 80
somethingeth kills if that's all I ran. Just curiouseth. -- Nuln, Blood Lord of the
FONZ, the most terrifying alliance in the enslaved World
P.S. Hey, were you at a Giants/Diamondback game not to long agoeth? I was
hallucinating and I thought I saw you slobbering on some femaleth.
Angmar -- What gaveth you the idea you wouldst findeth honorable (i.e. weenie wuss
milksopseth) Andorians (i.e. weenie wuss milksopseth) here? Well, ok, there iseth
Manager, but he's our token honorable Andorian. Here it's all downchallenge
downchallenge downchallenge kill kill killeth. Oh, and demean your neighbor in
stories. -- Nuln
Gythar Thickhead -- Hey maneth, welcome to Aradi! And hey, thankseth for beating the
snot out of Shane King the Goat! And hey, thankseth for just being you, maneth! --
Nuln, punchy on a Thursday
Squidfetus -- Maybe if he dressed up in a cute cow costumeth, but still, I don't go
for calves. Ha yucketheth. Man, it's justeth platoniceth. Leaveth it to the Squid
Gallery to always readeth somethin' into nothing. -- Nuln, in denial
P.Seth. <SPACK!!!!!!!>
Peth.Peth.S. My friend, I recommend a cerebral enemaeth.
Jason -- You work for Allstateth?!?!?!!?! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
haha!!!!!!!!!!!! -- Nuln
Pepe Le Funk -- I'll assume that was a blind challenge. -- Crybaby B.H.
I apologizeth for letting one of warriors write a personal. I try to keep the
standard of making them personalityless drones, but sometimeseth I slip. -- Nuln
Death Stud -- Just so you knoweth, peopleth have been talking trasheth about the FONZ
in arenas 3, 5, 6, 12, 14, 17, 18, 19, 22, 25, 26, 28, 31, 34, 36, 38, 39, 41, 43, 45,
46, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 61, and all the rest. I expecteth you
to bust out your Terminator 'X' moves on all thoseth punk-#$*eth suckas.
Respectfully, ... -- Nuln, high Blood Inquisitor of the 5th Ring of the FONZ, the most
devastatingly terrificacious whoopadiddlin' Alliance in Alastari
Soultaker -- And I expect you to help your little friend. -- Nuln, Grand Blood yadda
yadda yadda....
RR -- As if I would NEED a skinning knife! I can do MUCH better than that.... -- Ivy
Commando Cody -- LOL...I needed that. Thanks. :) -- Ramirez
The Lumberjack -- You gotta control that temper, pal. -- Ramirez
Chrystal Rain -- Ahh. I feel better now. I've been seeing a lot of warriors of your
style since the TOGS began and it's nice to turn things around every once in a while.
-- Uktabi Efreet
Kayla Rrostarr -- I can always count on your manager to provide good challenges for
me. You Rrostarrs are like cookie cutters...so predictable. ;) -- Atog
I don't know, my cookie cutters are pretty random sometimes. The round one
produced several amoebas last time I make sugar cookies. -- Ed.
Tempest -- Copy-cat! My manager had a Tempest fighting on one of her Elemental Force
team YEARS ago. -- Jasmine
Michelle Rrostarr -- Well fought. I am going to give it another try. I think I might
have won that had I managed to stay on my feet. -- Gravemold
Pin Bot -- If it makes you feel any better, you just broke a four fight losing streak.
-- Peanut
Boviphiliacs -- Nice showing last turn. We are solidly in second. I say we turn our
attention to tearing team four a new sphincter. -- Snotman
Team 6 -- What a lame name. How are guys doing, I can't see you from way up here? --
Snotman
All -- Here are my top five spotlights for this week:
1) Nuln
2) boB
3) Manager
4) Crow
5) Sir Squidboy
-- Snotman
All -- Wow, brutally murdered in TWO spotlights. I can see you're all green with
envy! Hyuck hyuck hyuck!! :P :) -- Squidboy
Window Clerk -- Yikes, you're a big, meanie person! -- Mousin' Around
Crazy Canuck -- Methinks you overestimate the intelligence of the TOGS crew. Fix a
complicated tournament? They're lucky to open the box of crayons to write their ads
without drooling on the paper. HYUCK!! -- Doc Squid
There speaks one who has never actually SEEN the soggy paper that gets sent
in.... *grin* -- Ed.
Dirk Cretin -- Hee hee, so much fun for me! Please feel free to visit the Fun House
again, your blood is your only admission price. Lovely blood.... -- Fun House
Nuln -- I am humbled to be in the presence of such a fountain of originality. Such
ever sparkling wit, dynamic creativity and ostentatious arrangements could only be
expunged by a genius of the highest order. How do you do it? Was it the lobotomy?
The lack of digestible fiber in your diet? Well whatever it is, 'tis a majestic thing
indeed. Indeed. Hyuck. -- A lowly Squidblastermaster
All -- Cows are ugly. There, SOMEBODY had to say it. I feel free, like those women
in the sundresses on those boxes of...never mind that's not really appropriate.
Hyuck! -- Squidshower
Manager -- You can read? Another myth shattered...hyuck hyuck hyuck! :) -- Squidboy
Manager -- Oh so you think you can kill me and get away with it, huh? HUH?!?! WE'LL
SEE ABOUT THAT!! -- Squidboy
Manager -- Nah, that sounds like work. Just consider yourself reprimanded. --
Squidboy
Manager -- Or are you? -- Squidboy
Manager -- Have you figured out that I really don't have anything to say to you but
feel compelled to fill up space in a rather pathetic attempt to sustain some imaginary
Aradi standard of writing totally pointless ads from time to time? Me either.
HYUCK!! -- Squidboy
Agmar -- It's the TOGS. TOGS makes people do ugly things. Parents, if you really
love your kids you'll teach them about TOGS before their friends do. Keep the TOGS
population down, have your TOGS spayed or neutered. And Nuln while you're at it, to
be safe. Hyuck!! :) -- Squidboy
Ed. -- Well the TOGS is halfway through, kinda makes you sad, huh? Well, don't worry,
soon as I win a Tourney Prize or buy one off somebody we'll repeat the experience in
Caer!! What fun, huh? ;D -- Anti
P.S. Joke. Really. Heh.
I fail to see the humour.... -- Ed. who doesn't mind SO much except for HAL
making things difficult
I know why the caged Squid sings. -- Squidboy
D. Noble -- I'm in arena 33 too. The Training Wheels are mine. -- Crow
Wimpy -- Hey hey! Don't get any ideas! Eat Crow indeed! :) -- Crow
Ramierez Dipietro -- That wasn't supposed to happen! -- Commando Cody
All -- I am sorry about not keeping up with my commitments, but it really sucks when
reality interferes with fantasy. I hope that this is the last time I have to do this.
-- Soultaker
Dark Buddha -- It is rumoured that if I gently rub your belly in slow counterclockwise
motion, eh, it will bring me great luck. We must test the hypothesis now. --
Beervahna
Just remember this is a family arena. Sick family, perhaps, but still.... *grin*
-- Ed.
Sylvia Rrostarr -- Must have been managerial inexperience not carrying eh weapon. --
Beerja Vu
Snuffles -- If you are going to run away and hide, eh, I'm taking all my toys and
going home. -- Mark's Messy, Eh
Surfing For Smut -- When the tide changed mid-fight, eh, I thought I had you. Tides
are supposed to change on cycles of about 10 hours, eh, not 10 seconds. -- Wayne
Gretzk, Eh
Hadn't you heard it's a small world? -- Ed.
Fabulous Guy -- You may have to listen to the crowds chants, eh, fortunately, I don't
have to pay any attention to the critics. -- Jim Care, Eh
All -- Accursed Mail-in Gods! My turn has been lost! I must now destroy Postmaster
and his Delivery Boys to get my revenge! -- Captain K.
Nuln -- It takes quite a few roller skates to keep my butt moving! -- Captain K.
Ed. -- Of course the chickens are consenting adults. Underage chicks get you a prison
sentence. -- Captain K.
Just checking. -- Ed.
Scribe -- You may kill me outside of Aradi only if it is a pivotal moment in the
storyline that causes the other warriors to reflect upon the reasons that they are
fighting and decide with grim determination that their cause is just. Or if you do it
in a really humorous manner. Either way is good. -- Captain K.
Nancy Drew -- Can't say I've read about any of your exploits, but I used to keep up
with your chums the Hardy boys. -- Captain K.
Banana fanna fo FONZ.
Aoife Blackwolf -- Don't worry, I'll catch up. -- Being Lewinskied
Ivy -- Well, yes it a very tastefully done velvet painting...well I consider it
tasteful but.... -- Lerch
Earthshaker -- Shuddup...it was your challenge...puke. -- Indecently Xposed
Catatonia and Gauls II -- Those damn nurses in the infirmary have caused more problems
for my team than I care to mention. Besides I got a little worried when I had to pull
out the backup to win. If you come back, I would suggest some armor...sorry about
that. -- Being Ponytailed and Lerch
Death Boar -- Here, you dropped this, you might want it back. Oh...BTW...thanks for
the skills/rating. -- Unzipped
Wayne Gretzk,eh -- Looks like the parental locks almost got me on that one...whew.
Thanks for the many skills. -- Surfing for Smut(not hockey)
Faith -- Hope you enjoy the skills. *sigh* -- Being Lewinskied
Death 32 -- Thanks for the train...mayhap it will help keep you at bay. -- Indecently
Xposed.
Nuln -- YOU stay away from the cameras, bub. That's my fetis...I mean hobby. -- Lerch
All -- Writing ads can be fun. Really. -- LHI
All -- Seems that first turn personals were misplaced. They may show up this turn.
Not much to say this turn, however. Condolences to those I beat. Congrats to those
who beat me. Anyone got any suggestions on how to run an offensive total parry? --
Chandley, manager for the Widowmakers II
I think anything that went south last cycle has permanently migrated. -- Ed.
TOGS Scorekeeper -- I sent in personals last cycle, as I have every turn of TOGS, but
again Hal dropped the ball. (Yawn!) Mine fuse, grow shorter still. -- Bobby (Long
Fuse) Bigfoot/Romper Room/Team 2
Funhouse -- If by chance, Hal hath regurgitated my personal from last turn, see my ad
to you. If, however, that wondrous marvel of techromancy has failed (Oh, the horror!)
this then, is for you; I am not YOUR anything, and if you are so misguided as to
actually desire another thrashing, well then, step up quickly lad, while you can still
reach me, oh feeblest of annoying gnats! -- Julia
Uktabi Efreet -- Many thanks, for the rating, of course, not my second defeat. --
Chrystal Rain
Gyrospaz -- That much experience I could not overcome. I am still pondering my
learns. -- Julia
Mark' Messy, Eh -- Well, thanks for the challenge, I guess. -- Snuffles the Dwarf
Ivy -- Why, thank you for the cool congrats. I think Nancy Drew seems to understand
The Creepster's code best. I guess it is her detective background. I voted for
Butkus. (Don't you just think he's a really neat hunk!?) But he seems to have trouble
understanding any other words than, "kill," "beer," or "duh." -- Tonya (The Retired
Babe) Harding
Hut one! Hut two! Hike! Butkus blitzes through and tackles Captain K with a
monstrous smash, breaking his spinal column, killing Captain K instantly! (The instant
replay shows 12 inch spikes on the Butkus shoulderpads. Don't you just love football?
-- Tonya's last words (almost)
Lerch, you have a promise! Perhaps you should publish? -- Poet
Nuln -- How dare you?! My bra is not padded! You are the one most known for jerky.
-- Nancy Drew
My dear Nuln, I dearly love the spot of bronco riding. You can watch me and video
anytime. I plan not only to win that contest, but bullfighting affair also. -- Tonya
(The Babe) Harding
Gravemold -- Take this! (Gives him the international middle-finger peace signal.) --
Tonya
How very, very discouraging when your fights make it (with a mediocre at best 2-3) and
neither your personals nor spotlight (that you slaved 48.17432 hours over) are
published. Shame on you TUGS! (Type Up Gods) -- The Crazy and Discouraged Creeps
Whoo, whoo, whoo! Those Rams of St. Looey beat up on those whiner Forty-Niners!
Whoo! -- Tonya (The Babe) Harding
Hooters -- The holy heavens shall cast their wrath upon thy mountains. (But first I
must inspect them to assure that the wrath is deserved.) -- Elmer Gantry
Hoot -- You lose, Bimbo you. Watch your kneecaps, witch! -- Tonya Harding
Ranch Bowl -- I'd be afraid of a repeat. Very afraid! -- Butkus
Alien Nation did dispose of the wonderful Poet.
But he smells like dung and not like moet.
-- Poet
Moet? -- Ed.
Rosewell! Thigh, buttocks, groin, chest? What kind of girl do you think I am?! --
Nancy Drew
I'm taking over the spotlight awards, because Nancy is so busy doing detecting. (I
wish she'd spared some time winning, too!) Therefore, the awards for turn 217 are:
Mahogany Pulpit -- Top of the line best -- Maybe next turn???
Holy Grail -- Most uplifting or unusual -- A non-TOGS spotlight; Crazy Canuck
Wooden Casket -- As bad as it gets -- Scrod Wars--The Conclusion; finally
Collection Basket -- Unfulfilling -- The Herd; short, funny, almost a point
-- Elmer Gantry
Mad, bad, cadderoo! Max, slacks, jackeroo! Gonna killy willy ding dong dung! Bunk,
punk, stunkeroo! -- The Creepster
Manager -- You are so cool! Would you like to ride in my roadster? I'm thinking
about driving back to Larkspur Lane, and George can't go. -- Nancy Drew
Crazy Canuck -- Indeed, you are correct with your Deathstud rigging theory. The
reason Team 12 doesn't fit is that 1 and 2 add to an odd number, hence I am certain
the Death Stud is excluded them... -- Nancy Drew, Detective Extraordinaire
Doc Steele -- I believe Creepster's answer will be identical to the Kennelworth answer
posted in Arena 105. -- Tonya (The Babe) Harding
Poison Ivy -- I really am sorry about that age comment. You don't LOOK that old.
Really! -- Nancy Drew
Manager -- I'm making a list. Paybacks are hell. -- Laura Rrostarr
Doc Steele -- Well done in the personals last turn! You got me good. -- Sultan
All -- What's a basher need to graduate anyway? Got over 17 political points, got
more than 60 fight equivalent, got Master Init, AdEx Attack, Expert Decise. Mercy! --
One Shot Wonder, an arena shy of 14
Doc Steele -- Well, if you stop lookin' way down the ranks, where are you going to
start finding your new challenges? -- Sultan
Shibako-Do -- I know that was my first fight, but what a rush. -- Lone Wolf
Red Dawg -- Maybe next time, I might, you know, let the fight last longer. -- War
Badger
Unzipped -- Well, it is back to the drawing board for me. I did try something new and
it did not work. -- Death Boar
Godiva -- Girl, I hope you find a good male nurse to take care of you. I got to give
you guts, lasting three minutes with me was great. See you real soon. -- Dreamin'
Lizard
Jerezu Eisai -- Hey, did your mother tell you it is not nice to stick your chest out.
I do hope your left leg heals fine. -- Twisted Tiger
Gods willing, that's actually everything for once. And even forwarded to me on
time such that it might even go out on time. Or am I just a dreamer? -- Ed.
11 October 1999
All -- Talon Volksie has finally entered the 90's on the verge of the millenium. I
have e-mail. You may email me at TalonVolksie@aol.com. -- Talon V.
Everyone now knows that DM-33 is one of the "Fiercest & Best Free Blades Arena"
around. The Hammer and others have done wonderful things for that arena. With 50 or
so teams, DM-33 is fun, challenging and a joy to play in. However, I am not here to
talk about DM-33. I want to talk to you about DM-43, Veastian.
DM-43 is not a large arena, we have only 8 teams here right now. It is small,
and not the greatest arena around...yet. We need YOU to help make this a great
arena. Since it's so small, this is your chance to get in on the ground floor and
become a cornerstone of this arena. Not many have this chance. DM-33 is great, but
it is crowded. Here in DM-43 you will not be one of the many, you will be one of the
best. For all of you Noblish Island managers, this is your chance to transfer your
team to an arena where you will have an immediate impact on the game. This is an
arena where you can continue to hone your skills and be a contender for the
Duelmastership. Veteran managers...do you want to make Duelmasters the best it can
be? Help newbies and make an arena of your own?
This is a wonderful chance for everyone. For the newer players to make a
serious impact on an arena and veteran players to be a "founder" of an arena.
Managers like Don John, Mutt Lange, The Rake and myself want you to help make DM-43
the best arena out there. We don't want just "anyone" to come here, we want managers
who want to play hard and have fun. If that is you, then come to DM-43, Veastian.
If anyone has any questions at all, please diplo me and I will reply as soon as
possible. Now is your chance, now is the time. DM-43. -- Apollo Maximillious, mgr.
Cult of the Dragon (339), DM-43
All -- By Seefe's name, am I tired of looking at such team names as Inyo Eye and
Eggnog Warriors. Please, in the name of all that is decent on the face of Ghea, give
your teams and fighters APPROPRIATE names!! I know it can be challenging and
demanding to make up TRULY GOOD names like Boneshredders and Aerie Fire, but please,
don't call your guys something that causes me to dirge in disgust!! It really hurts
your (and my) gaming experience when my warriors have to stand against someone named
"Underwear Gnomes". After all, I can come up with ten names like Bust-a-Plumber and
Chococroc in a single minute, but why don't I do it? -- Shadowfire, mgr. of
Dragonslayers (636) in Solven (DM 22)
LAST WEEK'S FIGHTS
MEGALON was butchered by STONE GOLEM in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
ELECTRIX was butchered by SPYMASTER in a 1 minute brutal Dark Arena duel.
EDIA BLACKWOLF was easily killed by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
DRUNKEN MONK was dispatched by DARK CHAMPION in a 2 minute Dark Arena brawl.
PRALIX was dealt death by STONE GOLEM in a 2 minute gory Dark Arena fight.
RANCH BOWL was murdered by GARGOYLE PRINCE in a 1 minute Dark Arena competition.
LUNGBUTTER was slaughtered by ARENAMASTER HARKON in a 1 minute Dark Arena fight.
MATCHSTICK was butchered by DARK CHAMPION in a 1 minute Dark Arena match.
ACTION MAN was butchered by SEA MONSTER in a 1 minute gory Dark Arena competition.
I AM I handily defeated LISA SINCLAIR in a 2 minute uneven Bloodfeud melee.
AOIFE BLACKWOLF was viciously subdued by LITTLE BIG BOX in a 3 minute Bloodfeud duel.
DOMINATRIX outwaited BEING PONYTAILED in a slow 22 minute Bloodfeud fight.
COMMANDO CODY luckily beat TRAVIS in a popular 7 minute veteran's Challenge melee.
PEPE LE FUNK demolished METEOR SHOWER in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge competition.
FALISHA RROSTARR was devastated by GYROSPAZ in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge battle.
BAYUSHI ARAMORO was overpowered by HENRIETTA in a 1 minute Challenge conflict.
WINNING WAYS won victory over T.O.G.S. MONSTER in a 4 minute Challenge bout.
ATOG unbelievably bested SYLVIA RROSTARR in a exciting 3 minute bloody Challenge fray.
ELMER GANTRY unbelievably bested LIPSTICKS in a 2 minute gory Challenge brawl.
SALTY overpowered TRINITY in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
GRAVEMOLD was overpowered by MICHELLE RROSTARR in a 1 minute Challenge Title match.
RAMIREZ DEPIETRO devastated BULLROARER TOOK in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge contest.
CRYBABY BEANHEAD demolished THE LUMBERJACK in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
JULIA slimly won victory over UKTABI EFREET in a 2 minute Challenge fray.
BEERJA VU devastated SURFING FOR SMUT in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge bout.
NUVEENA overpowered SNUFFLES in a 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
WAYNE GRETZK, EH savagely defeated 50 SUCKS in a 1 minute expert's Challenge fight.
WINDOW CLERK was savagely defeated by SOFT FOOT in a 2 minute Challenge melee.
AIRTIGHT ANNIE was unbelievably bested by NEO in a 1 minute Challenge bout.
MR. SOPHISTICATED beat KNUCKLEDRAGGER in a 3 minute Challenge competition.
LADIES DIN was luckily beaten by DEATH BOAR in a popular 5 minute Challenge fight.
BAKA - DO lost to QUAM SNIPER in a 1 minute novice vs. veteran Challenge fray.
FANG was savagely defeated by BEING LEWINSKIED in a 2 minute brutal Challenge fight.
DEAD SKIN MASK overpowered KAYLA RROSTARR in a 1 minute uneven Challenge bout.
SMALL PACKAGE was narrowly killed by DREAMIN' LIZARD in a 2 minute Challenge contest.
INDIAN ROCKET was defeated by JACK MEHOFF in a 1 minute Challenge struggle.
POET savagely defeated INDECENTLY XPOSED in a 2 minute bloody Challenge match.
JIM CARE, EH beat GODIVA in a 3 minute veteran vs. novice Challenge fray.
HOOTERS was demolished by WAYNE in a 3 minute one-sided Challenge conflict.
TEAM 3 RULES TOGS was viciously subdued by MONKEY MOUSE in a 10 minute Challenge bout.
THROG BLACKWOLF was beaten by CHEESIS K. REIST in a 1 minute Challenge competition.
WUSS vanquished DWAYNE in a 1 minute one-sided Challenge match.
SHANE KING THE GOAT demolished LAVA FLOW in a 3 minute uneven Challenge duel.
DUBBS PUB was handily defeated by TEMPEST in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge duel.
CU'AOIFE II luckily beat PERSIAN BOLD in a exciting 11 minute bloody Challenge brawl.
PINK slimly won victory over HERNIA in a 2 minute Challenge conflict.
JEREZU EISAI was subdued by HENDRICK in a 2 minute gory Challenge match.
SLIMEY demolished ANGRY BOX in a popular 1 minute uneven Challenge fight.
ANOTHER WINNER narrowly defeated BLOOD BANK in a 8 minute novice's Challenge fray.
SEET CHEEKS was demolished by BLACKBURST in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge match.
THE GEL was savagely defeated by NANCY DREW in a 1 minute novice's Challenge battle.
BUTKUS handily defeated LONE WOLF in a 1 minute mismatched Challenge contest.
M&MS beat FABULOUS GUY in a 3 minute Challenge struggle.
BERRYWACK demolished ONE SHOT WONDER in a 1 minute mismatched battle.
PEANUT defeated BEN in a exciting 4 minute veteran's brawl.
TYPHOID MARY devastated TOM STEWART in a 1 minute one-sided brawl.
HOOT overpowered WEREWOLF in a 1 minute mismatched duel.
DERVECT defeated UNZIPPED in a 2 minute fight.
ALIEN NATION was devastated by THE BARONESS in a 1 minute mismatched conflict.
THE SCROD GODDESS was savagely defeated by DRAZIN AXEGRIND in a 5 minute match.
CHRYSTAL RAIN was demolished by GERONTIUS TOOK in a 1 minute one-sided conflict.
BODO PROUDFFOOT overcame GHASHER in a 1 minute bloody bout.
THE LOVE TRAIN luckily beat BEERVAHNA in a crowd pleasing 2 minute brutal bout.
AVIENDHA viciously subdued FREE BOX in a popular 1 minute gory duel.
AODH BLACKWOLF defeated LETTER CARRIER in a 2 minute fight.
MARK'S MESSY, EH was vanquished by FLITWORTH in a 1 minute one-sided duel.
DANGER BOX demolished FRANZ in a 1 minute uneven battle.
RUE SWIFTSWORD was defeated by PARRY HATER in a 3 minute fight.
WAR BADGER devastated KIA WARHAMMER in a 1 minute uneven match.
DEMONSWEATLIVE devastated PRYMM in a 1 minute one-sided bout.
TEZA WILDSHEILD was outlasted by LOOP MAIL in a slow 11 minute bout.
PAULINE overpowered TANK in a 1 minute mismatched fight.
CYPHER lost to HERMAN in a crowd pleasing 3 minute novice's struggle.
MICHELLE demolished EDIFIX in a 1 minute uneven match.
FAT JACKS unbelievably bested SNORIN PILL in a 2 minute gory novice's battle.
KISSES won victory over MRS. ROBINSON in a 3 minute novice's melee.
HUGS unbelievably bested TWISTED TIGER in a 2 minute gruesome novice's melee.
SHIBAKA - DO overpowered NITNOID in a 1 minute mismatched bout.
REISEN subdued PORK? in a action packed 1 minute amateur's fray.
HAILSTORM demolished JASMINE BOREAL in a exciting 1 minute bloody mismatched bout.
MUDSLIDE savagely defeated DIANIA RROSTARR in a dull 11 minute gory novice's match.
SWITCH subdued WAGSALOT in a 1 minute novice's fray.
ODD EXPERIMENT was devastated by LOVELY LADY in a 3 minute one-sided bout.
BURNIN' BRIDGES was savagely defeated by THUNDRA in a 6 minute beginner's duel.
BATTLE REPORT
MOST POPULAR RECORD DURING THE LAST 10 TURNS
|FIGHTING STYLE FIGHTS FIGHTING STYLE W - L - K PERCENT|
|LUNGING ATTACK 31 TOTAL PARRY 115 - 85 - 1 58 |
|STRIKING ATTACK 26 PARRY-LUNGE 37 - 33 - 0 53 |
|SLASHING ATTACK 25 WALL OF STEEL 108 - 101 - 6 52 |
|TOTAL PARRY 22 STRIKING ATTACK 152 - 153 - 15 50 |
|WALL OF STEEL 17 AIMED BLOW 41 - 44 - 2 48 |
|BASHING ATTACK 14 LUNGING ATTACK 148 - 159 - 11 48 |
|PARRY-RIPOSTE 8 SLASHING ATTACK 116 - 146 - 4 44 |
|AIMED BLOW 7 PARRY-STRIKE 18 - 30 - 1 38 |
|PARRY-LUNGE 6 BASHING ATTACK 62 - 122 - 3 34 |
|PARRY-STRIKE 3 PARRY-RIPOSTE 17 - 34 - 0 33 |
Turn 218 was great if you not so great if you used The fighting styles of the
used the fighting styles: the fighting styles: top eleven warriors are:
AIMED BLOW 5 - 2 WALL OF STEEL 8 - 9 6 STRIKING ATTACK
STRIKING ATTACK 18 - 8 SLASHING ATTACK 11 - 14 1 SLASHING ATTACK
TOTAL PARRY 15 - 7 BASHING ATTACK 6 - 8 1 BASHING ATTACK
PARRY-LUNGE 2 - 4 1 WALL OF STEEL
PARRY-STRIKE 1 - 2 1 PARRY-LUNGE
PARRY-RIPOSTE 2 - 6 1 TOTAL PARRY
LUNGING ATTACK 7 - 24
TOP WARRIOR OF EACH STYLE
FIGHTING STYLE WARRIOR W L K PNTS TEAM NAME
STRIKING ATTACK MICHELLE RROSTARR 4369 16 3 1 161 HOUSE RROSTARR (357)
SLASHING ATTACK RAMIREZ DEPIETRO 4130 18 17 0 112 MAGICK (234)
WALL OF STEEL I AM I 4243 19 12 1 106 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
TOTAL PARRY PEANUT 1396 18 12 0 98 WILD CARDS (148)
BASHING ATTACK THE LUMBERJACK 4491 13 12 3 87 METAL MELTDOWN (344)
PARRY-LUNGE TRAVIS 4394 16 10 0 76 ARADI WANNABEE'S (360)
LUNGING ATTACK METEOR SHOWER 4563 13 9 0 76 NATURAL DISASTERS (159)
PARRY-STRIKE NUVEENA 4503 11 9 0 73 DEEP 13 (369)
AIMED BLOW BAYUSHI ARAMORO 5097 2 1 0 60 WIDOW MAKERS II (418)
Note: Warriors have a winning record and are an Adept or Above.
The overall popularity leader is CRYBABY BEANHEAD 3918. The most popular warrior
this turn was TRAVIS 4394. The ten other most popular fighters were DRAZIN AXEGRIND
3806, SYLVIA RROSTARR 4744, PERSIAN BOLD 4949, T.O.G.S. MONSTER 4932, SOFT FOOT 4736,
BEN 4392, THUNDRA 5122, MR. SOPHISTICATED 4886, BLOOD BANK 5127, and BEERVAHNA 4292.
The least popular fighter this week was DOMINATRIX 3860. The other ten least popular
fighters were BEING PONYTAILED 4746, LOOP MAIL 4935, TEZA WILDSHEILD 3803, TEAM 3
RULES TOGS 4998, MUDSLIDE 5104, CU'AOIFE II 5109, BURNIN' BRIDGES 5148, DIANIA
RROSTARR 5142, ODD EXPERIMENT 5125, and WAGSALOT 5133.
The following warriors will travel to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after next turn:
HOOT (60-4441) EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
The following warriors have traveled to ADVANCED DUELMASTERS after fighting this turn:
TYPHOID MARY (60-4593) EYE OF THE NEEDLE (65)
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