THE FACE-TO-FACE TOURNAMENT XXII

TOURNAMENT SPY REPORT

This is just totally hypergolic! There was, like, a tournament or something this weekend, which I didn't go to because I was checking out the tanning, but anyway, there was one. So when this messenger dude brings me notes to do a tournament report, I, like, thought it was for this tournament. But it was totally for another one. Like, three months ago or something! So anyway, here's some stuff about the Face-to-Face if you didn't already know it. As if!

I don't have any, like, stuff on how many dudes fought in each tourney, so I can't tell you about that. That's totally albendraneous, because the scribes usually say about that. I bet they just got tired of counting, which I would.

Since everyone usually starts with Gateway, I'm going to start with the Rookies. So there! They're all cuter anyhow, because they haven't got any, like, horrid scars or anything. It took seventeen rounds to figure out who won. It was Akhenaten of The New Kingdom from Firehold. He fought Blondie from Good/Bad/Ugly in the final round. This is, like, totally confusing. I've got one thing here that only has up to round twelve, which I don't know what happened to the other five.

Ummm...Novices next, I think. I'm, like, terrible at remembering this stuff, which is why I always get stuff from the scribes. There were seventeen rounds of Novice fights. Yellow Dog of Mongrel Horde from Kolact was the champion. He fought Joe Black of The Bears in his final fight. I was hoping Joe Black would win because, he's, like, really dreamy. But he didn't. Joe, I mean. Win.

Then Apprentices. Being an Apprentice is a total bummer, because you have to work and work and you hardly get any pay! It's, like, so unfair! But anyway, Jaichim of Blood & Iron from Zensu won all seventeen of his fights! That's, like, totally parabolic! Jaichim fought Peter Tosh of Exodus! for his final win. I mean, Jaichim's win, because if Peter had won, Jaichim wouldn't have been undefeated. As if!

The Initiates are next. I want to know, like, what they're initiates of. Are they, like, Elks or Moose or something? But the guy that won (in round sixteen) was just a copy, even if he was an Elk or a Moose. The winner was Xerox of Screaming Trees from Sentern. But the guy he fought was definitely an Elk, so I guess maybe I was right. He fought Lawrence W. Elk of White Man Go Home in the final round.

The Adepts went, like, seventeen rounds. Everyone was going seventeen, or almost everyone. That's, like, just totally hypergolic! Anyway, the winner was Perfect Lover of Kansas from Sentern. I don't know if he, like, is perfect, but he didn't lose any fights, even the final one against Chief of Echl-North. But I think anyone who says they're perfect probably isn't. As if!

The Champions went a whole nineteen rounds! That's, like, totally long and everything. The winner was, wait a second, I'm confused again. I guess they only went eighteen rounds, which is still a lot and the winner was Wahoo of Big Mean Fish from Talcama. Or else it was Rascally Rabbit of the Willburys 1 from Illis. One of my notes says Wahoo won on round eighteen and one says RR won on round nineteen. Maybe Green Eyes knows, and SHE definitely knows, but I don't know.

The Freshmen, who are, like, Advanced dudes, went for either fifteen or sixteen rounds. This is, like, totally parabolic and hypergolic and weird. Either Dishes, Yipe! Of Man of D.Y.O. from Andor won in round fifteen or Trinity of Ministry from Khalhums won in round sixteen. Except round sixteen might have been, like, grudge matches or something, which would explain it, but it's still confusing.

At least the regular ADM tourney had both the final dudes fighting the same number of rounds, so I know that Banshee of Dark Side from Veastian won in round eighteen. Banshee fought Angel Eyes of Thundr + Litening in the final round. Angel Eyes, like, looked really cool and had brand new armour and stuff, but Banshee just yelled until she won!

The Eligibles, who aren't, like, bachelors, but can just go to Primus if they want, which is really boring, fought only fifteen rounds. The winner was Flop of Zoom Zone from Riztab, which still sounds like a diet cola to me. Flop fought Dr. Ruth of What's Up Doc in the final round. I guess Dr. Ruth was, like, too busy analyzing Flop to be able to win. As if!

Primus, which is, like, the really good guys, went for twenty rounds. Does that mean they all got to drink after the tournament? Whatever. Spearman of Nomads from Tobir won by beating Grim Reaver of The Red Reavers. I thought Grim Reaver was, like, on an adventure or something. Or was that Grim Reaper. I don't know, but he had a really cool sword.

The dudes in Gateway went for sixteen rounds, which isn't as much as some, but maybe wasn't the least of anybody. Vengeance of Angels of Pain from Zukal won. Vengeance beat Teetotaler of Miscellaneous II in the final round. This was, like, not really a surprise, since Vengeance is really good. But most of the other dudes are totally excellent too, so maybe it was a surprise.

Anyway, that's kind of what happened, except I'm supposed to say something about pony-tailing, but I think Soultaker is cute and I don't want to make fun of him. As if! And the Saint was going to do some stuff about alliances, but all the alliance stuff is for this tournament. I mean, for the mail-in, so there isn't anything for the Face-to-Face. She says she's really sorry, but since some of the alliances were different then, it wouldn't be a good report anyway.

So that's everything and I'm, like, totally glad, because I have to do another one later this week and I haven't even done any tanning today! That's, like, totally parabolic!

Debby Tonte

* L = Adantri A = Andorian D = Delarquan F = Independent Nations

** For the purposes of figuring this percentage, a TC counts twice as much as a TV.

* For the purposes of this chart and the two below, the Tourney Arena and the Bloodgames Arenas are considered to be Independent.